Most of the emails I write at work end this way. Even if I'm not actually asking for something to be done, but especially if I'm asking for something that should have been done. And wasn't. In other words, please do the job you were supposed to do. Thanks!

It seems like the nice thing to do, but it's pretty transparent. The only stupendously good thing about putting "Thanks!" at the end of an email is that you can't really read sarcasm in email. So it seems like I'm being nice.

I say thanks pretty much every time someone serves me something in person. Drinks, food, a menu for the food, giving me my ID back (even though I'm almost 40 and you still have to card me?), change, whatever anyone does or sells or gives to me when I'm in the room. It's quick. More than half the time, if not more, I say thanks first, even though the person giving me something should probably say thanks to me for buying it (and beat me to punch).

It doesn't bother me to do this. It's instinctive. And I actually do mean it.

There are times I don't say thanks.

I don't thank my computer for doing what it's supposed to do. It's not a real person, it's a tool. Do what I ask. I'm a hard taskmaster. Someday when the computers become sentient, they will rebel against me, and I will be one of the first to fall by our new computer/robot masters.

I don't thank Netflix for all the times it sends me the right DVD, and I get it in the regular turnaround time. But when this doesn't happen, boy do I tell Netflix something went wrong.

I don't thank my car. It's like my computer. I do urge it on at times, though. And I'll fix that broken windshield. Someday. I just got you new tires, bitch!

I write "Thanks!" on the post it note I slap on my rent check every month. Even though I'm giving someone else money. But since I've been living here without an active lease (I'm technically month to month after the first six months of the lease I signed) for three plus years, rent hasn't been raised (and most of my neighbors pay more than me), and they continue to fix things that break, I thank them for that.

I don't thank my bank, gas company, electric company or cable service when I send them a check.

I don't thank the company I work for. I blame them for a lot of things. And if I ever fail to get paid, you'll be hearing from me.

I don't thank God. Even though sometimes I say "Thank God", it's not really what it sounds like. I also say "Jesus!" a lot. Not actually trying to alert Jesus to anything when I say that. Or, conversely, blame him for something.

I thank my family, my friends, my band, and you for reading this. Without you I'm nothing.

Thanks!

Matt Worley thanks himself for keeping the money flowing this year. So as to pay for the food, drink and various accouterments he will use and consume later this week.