I haven't been very good at prognosticating lately (witness: when asked for my picks on Saturday's Final Four games, I chose the two teams that eventually lost), but there was one thing I was pretty sure of: Charlie Sheen's live tour was gonna fall on its face.

From what I read this morning, apparently I was spot on.

It wasn't too hard to bullseye. Doing a live show of any kind is tough. And no one goes up on stage without practicing first. Not even strippers.

I've been playing drums with a band for years now. My first band practiced for over six months before we played a live show. And when I first heard we had a gig, I had a panic attack. We were driving somewhere (a bar? another rock show? not sure...), and I just sat in the backseat silently trying to calm down. And the show was at least a month in the future.

These days I don't get nervous about playing, I get nervous about people showing up. The other bands, fans, friends, the bar staff. So by the time I get up onstage all of these anxieties have been alleviated. Playing the songs is no problem. I'm not great with banter, though.

At our last show, we had two local comics open up because a guitarist in the first band was going to be late. They were funny and engaging. It wasn't their crowd, necessarily, but they were game. And they had a good 20 minutes each.

The first was a young gay woman who had a joke about LGBT sounding like a sandwich. For her, the L stood for "lettuce," and she referred to her partner as her lettuce throughout her set.

So that was my one nugget as we checked mics for our show. "I like lettuce," I said. The sound guy laughed. Otherwise, I thank the crowd after a song or let them know they can pick up a free CD from the front of the stage. Free!

It's tough to be funny and improvisational in front a crowd of people. Even if you have tiger's blood running through your veins.

So it wasn't hard to predict that Sheen would fall on his face during a projected 90 minute live show (apparently the first one ran about 70 minutes...and much of the crowd didn't stick around to the end). This guy has made his living reciting the writing of others in front of cameras...which do not talk back or want their money's worth of entertainment.

Sheen's got 19 more shows booked. Whether or not he succeeds in pulling off the whole tour remains to be seen. But it's hard to believe that he'll figure out how to be entertaining over the next month. Because other than making fun of himself for booking the tour, what kind of material does he have?

That Spiderman musical has been in production for years, and (from most accounts) they haven't been able to come up with a good, working show yet.

If Sheen is truly a warlock, he should learn some better spells.

Matt Worley loves playing live with his band.