And other cheap things like that. She knows about all of those (except maybe for the space ride, though I doubt that would shock her).

She wants to know what I want as a regular, let-keep-it-under-two-weeks's-worth-of-piano-lessons-okay? present. That's $94, which is only $5 less than the tickets she scored for "Spamalot" a couple of years ago (a kingly gift, I must say). So here goes:

And that's about it. I mean, a good six-pack of beer (or even a couple big Belgians) would be nice. A gift certificate to one of the local Thai places would be great. But I'm just not hurting for presents this year. My family is doing well, and since I've had a paying job we've managed to get a bit ahead of the hand-to-mouth existence we've been living since our older son was born.

More to the point, though, I'm not particularly materialistic. I do spend a bit of money on good beer and good food, but that's largely because I like good beer and good food. I don't care much about the latest gadget (and still don't own a cell phone) and my computer is only a year old and still quite speedy. I don't want or need a new TV, though we will probably get one sooner or later. I don't need a new easy chair, because I don't have an easy chair right now. We do need new couches, but that's not the sort of thing you give as a present. Unless you really believe that your sense of style is better than Tim Gunn's (yes, I have sat through a few episodes of "Project Runway").

I've got a crapload of books and a crapload of CDs (By "crapload," I mean thousands. More than 10,000 CDs, probably, though I haven't counted lately). But that's it. My material wealth is being poured into the clothes budget for my rapidly-growing boys (my older son--who is nine--will be wearing the same size of shoe as me within six months). As they become teenagers, I imagine more and more will go into the food budget as well. Oh, and the "saving for college" budget. Yeesh.

But none of that qualifies as a Christmas present. My wife has threatened to simply buy me a Hickory Farms beef stick and be done with it. I've told her that sounds good to me. So maybe I'll get that.

I used to stress about what gifts to give people for Christmas. But my parents and brothers have developed a condition similar to mine. My wife isn't terribly particular, either, although she has put in a request for "something without cows, barbecue or pigs." That gives me plenty of room to roam. I'm thinking bottle of nice hand soap would be great.

I'm joking. She reads this column; you think I would tip my hand? C'mon.

Anyway, how about a little peace on Earth and a year without political attack ads? As long as I'm being unrealistic, I might as well shoot for the moon.

A trip to the moon. Now, that's what I really want...

Jon Worley would like to see the rings of Saturn someday. Through the lens of a telescope would be just fine.