The Republican candidates for president agree on a few things. They agree that President Obama should no longer be president (a logical position, given that each of them is trying to unseat him). They agree that taxes on rich people are bad. They agree that Jesus is just alright.

What's interesting to me is that the leading candidates are apostate on at least one of the supposed "red meat" issues of the campaign.

Let's start with Mitt Romney. While you won't hear him say it on the campaign trail, he's a pretty moderate guy. He was, after all, governor of Massachusetts, and a conservative Republican simply cannot win that post. His apostasy is on health care. He championed and signed into law a bill very much like the oft-eviscerated "Obamacare." In fact, even the Prez hasn't shied away from using the "Obamneycare" tag from time to time. Romney now says that states should mandate health care coverage and not the federal government. Kinda like the way that local governments in Massachusetts haul your trash away for you, while one state up in New Hampshire you get to haul your refuse to the landfill all by yourself.

Then there's Herman Cain. While it's hard to accept the fact that he is, in fact, a front-runner, at the moment that's exactly what he is. Last week, he gave an interview where he said that the federal government had no business telling a woman whether she should or should not have an abortion. That's slightly different than saying "could," but in his answers to follow up questions, Cain showed a surprisingly pro-choice (of a Libertarian variety) point of view on the subject. He has since backtracked, but his statements have been so incoherent that they have almost faded into white noise. This is true of most of his campaign, which may explain his surprising stature in the polls.

Then there's poor Rick Perry. He looks like a president. He swaggers like a president. And he's got one hell of a presidential name: one syllable first name, two syllable last name. Simple. Honest. Direct.

Perry's in a heap of trouble on a couple of issues. First, there's the whole HPV virus vaccine flap. He signed the bill because of insider lobbying and extensive campaign donations (duh), but it turns out that he unwittingly made the correct public health decision. Nonetheless, as all students of the University of Google know, vaccines make kids retarded. At least, that's what a former Playboy Playmate of the Year said, so it must be true.

But bribery and other ethical issues are small potatoes next to Perry's real problem. See, in Texas undocumented students are allowed to get in-state tuition at state schools if they pass certain criteria (graduation from a Texas high school is one, for instance). This blasphemously sane law (championed and signed by Perry) has the other candidates in a dither. The Mittster almost foams at the mouth when he talks about this. I simply don't get it. As I understand things, Republicans are against immigration for two main reasons: undocumented immigrants drain money from full-blooded Americans on welfare, and immigrants are poor and don't contribute to society.

Never mind that both of these arguments are absurd. If you believe those arguments, then the idea of allowing undocumented immigrants to attend state schools at in-state rates would alleviate both problems. The percentage of college grads out of work and/or on welfare is much lower than that of non-college grads. So if you give these kids the chance to go to school at a reasonable price, a much higher percentage of them will become contributing members of American society. Perry has, for reasons that remain obscure, been almost noble in defending this policy. It's the only thing I like him, which is probably why he's getting lit up by the firing squad.

There are candidates (like Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum) who seem to have avoided the apostasy issue. At this point, however, they also seem to have avoided the popularity issue. Even most Republicans seem to think that they're too priggish and mean to be president.

Maybe sanity will prevail after all. It's a worthy hope, anyway.

Jon Worley isn't against gnawing on raw flesh now and again.