In 1994, the Big Eight Conference agreed to add four Texas schools in order to form the Big 12 Conference, wiping out the Southwest Conference. As an alumnus of a Big Eight school, I wasn't terribly pleased. As a person who attended high school ten miles from Texas (and shares Louise's desire to stay as far away from Texas as possible), I was goddamned pissed off. But I went along with it. Did I have a choice?

Last year, Colorado left for the newly-constituted Pac-12, and Nebraska left for the increasingly-misnamed Big 10. This left ten schools in the Big 12--and an awful lot of jokes about the Big (12) 10 and the Big (10) 12 (or the Big Big 10 and the Little Big 12 or...)

And now, with Texas A&M attempting to pry its way into the SEC and Texas, Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Oklahoma apparently set to join something that is expected to be called the Pac-16, the Big 12 has all but become the Big (5) 12. Gosh, isn't it all so exciting?

I went to Missouri, which (according to "sources") is considered the "prize" of the remnants. Rumors abound about eventual membership in the SEC or Big 10. Kansas is rumored to be a candidate for membership in the Big East or (and I'm not sure exactly how this makes any sense, except for reasons related to basketball) the ACC. Kansas State, Iowa State and Baylor will then become the apparent nucleus for the Middle of Nowhere 12 Conference, which would theoretically include SMU, Houston, Creighton, Missouri State, Wichita State, Northern Iowa, Nebraska-Omaha, Grinnell and Macalester.

I'm bummed. While I'm sure the rivalry games with Kansas will survive any conference shakeup (Clemson and South Carolina seem to have worked it out just fine in the years after SC's abandonment of the ACC), it's quite likely that my parents and I will not be able to bond over Mizzou/K-State tilts once this is done.

Selfishly, I hope that Missouri ends up in the Big East or ACC, which would mean that I could actually attend a Missouri game or two every year. The ACC would be awesome. The fam could wander down to Durham, score some almost-free tix from any number of Dukies we know and hang out after the game. But that's not gonna happen.

More realistically, I am hoping that Missouri ends up in the Big 10. We'd be immediate contenders in football and (particularly) basketball. Our women's basketball team would change from awful to mediocre. And our baseball team would dominate.

More importantly, though, Missouri is a pretty good state school. It's not Michigan or Wisconsin (or Texas, for that matter), but it is in the same range as Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota and such. Well, Illinois, anyway. Missouri is a much better school than any SEC member save Vandy. The thought of Tennessee and Missouri being mentioned in the same sentence in an academic context makes my skin crawl.

It's a brave new world for college football--and this is all about football. After all, the Big 10 didn't go after Nebraska for its basketball program. I like watching college football, even though the corruption within is so thick that ten machetes couldn't make a dent. And I figure Missouri will end up okay. So I'm just whining about something that's inevitable.

Kinda like those white folks who woke up last week to discover that they're no longer a majority where they live. Poor babies.

Jon Worley asks that you not take his whining seriously. But he's not kidding about the Missouri-Tennessee thing.