Big brothers are the worst. They pinch you, hit you and yell at you...and that's when they're in a good mood. Big brothers never have to wear hand-me-downs. Big brothers get to do all the important things first. Back in day, big brothers even got to inherit everything.

Even after you've grown up, your big brother continues to tell you how to live your life. Big brothers are pompous, arrogant and generally intransigent in the face of obvious facts. In short, the world could do just fine without big brothers.

I should know. I'm the big brother in my family. And everything I've written is absolutely true. Of course, big brothers also protect the little kids. They're not parents, but they do take on a bit of that role (thus the "always telling me what to do" part). They do get to do everything first, but that's not always a bad thing for the younger kids. A bit of advice on how to handle the parental units after an unauthorized party nearly destroyed the house can come in handy--if the big brother in question said something other than "Wow, was that dumb. Hope you work it out."

Okay, so there's not much good about big brothers.

America is the world's big brother. We're not much of a colonial power, and so we're "parents" of only a few countries. But our influence is everywhere. America inspires both admiration and revulsion--often at the same time. And so it is that America has taken heat from all sides as the nations of the Arab world attempt to restructure.

Time after time, I've heard protestors decry the lack of American action during the revolts in Tunisia, Egypt and, especially, Libya. These people believe that since America is the foremost democracy in the world, it ought to immediately step in and whip a little democracy on everyone. They see America as a shining light, even as they decry the "liberation" or "degradation" (depending on the level of revulsion) of women and the general coarseness of our society. These protesters adore free speech--as long as it is theirs. When Big Brother America steps in and yet doesn't immediately pull a Moses and say "Let my people go!," the protesters get mad. They curse America, even as America works to keep their countries from turning into pools of blood.

Of course, Kadafi (I'm going with that spelling today) is like the little brother who has spent the last ten years going from crack houses to crack house. He won't listen to anyone, especially Big Brother America. So he's going all Evil Dead on the people of his country. A junkie is a junkie, after all.

One of the few good things about big brothers can be their forbearance. Some big brothers are patient enough to wait out the taunts and even physical attacks and still say, "I love you" after all the drama is done. Sometimes the big brother has to get old enough to realize the young'uns can kick his ass, but often enough this level of wisdom comes along eventually--with or without the threat of physical violence. And that's what America has to do with the Arab world. America has to take a little shit, let the countries sort themselves out and then say, "Need a little help?" That would be cool, especially if we emphasized the "little."

It sucks to be the big brother of the world. But someone's gotta do it, and it might as well be America. So work it out, all you crazy kids. America will still be here in the morning.

Jon Worley could have written "Big Brother or Big Sister," but he's a big brother and not a big sister and he just didn't feel like getting all ecumenical on this subject.