I'm not much of a shopper. But there are times when shopping must be done. And the strangest has to be holiday shopping at the mall.

I'm not a regular mall shopper, but the ideas I had involved stores in and around the mall area (I'd done non-mall shopping a few weeks before). They were vague ideas. I wasn't sure exactly what I was looking for, but thought I might be able to find something. There are lots of stores at the mall.

I had my list of people, and I was out the door at the super early hour of 12:30 on Friday afternoon.

I thought, maybe, that most people are working on Friday afternoons (at least until 3 or so). This would mean a quiet stroll through the strange sights and smells of the local mall complex. But it's the holidays, so no one is working on Friday afternoons (except the people in the stores selling stuff). The mall was pretty packed.

A long time ago (many, many holidays removed) in the same parking lot my younger brother and I got beat up by some guys who wanted our parking space and didn't think we were moving fast enough. They didn't like my use of the "f" word (even though, strangely, they were using it as well), and then proceeded to delay our exit from the space for at least another five minutes while the biggest punched us both a few times in the face for Christmas.

The holiday season means different things to different people.

I found the stores I was thinking of rather quickly. Even without looking at a map. In fact, the first two were right next to each other.

I only found gifts for myself at the first store (does this happen to you?), but began having better luck after that. I'd never been in any of these stores, but the clerks all asked if I had customer loyalty cards (of varying names). When I said no, some asked if I wanted one and some didn't. Probably different incentives for giving these out.

In one store I lined up on the wrong side of the register behind another patron. We were straightened out by another customer (and not the clerks...who were standing right there the whole time). The clerk did ask if I had had help from someone picking out the rather small and inexpensive gift I was buying. I didn't even know they had salespeople on the floor at this place.

I didn't find everything in the main mall building. I had to cross Louisiana (more complicated than you'd think) to the big toy emporium for a few more things.

At that place, I saw a lot of sales people, but they were interested in doing other things. I've noticed this in clothing stores as well. I went to one (not recently) where all the sales people were wearing headsets and talking to each other...but not interacting with customers at all. Anyway, I found a few things at the big toy store and worked my way to a register. And then that guy laid it on. Customer courtesy card? You don't look like you got everything you were looking for. Batteries? Are you sure you found everything? I'm not sure if I can let you go home with just...this.

But eventually I was allowed to leave the big toy place.

And fled the uptown mall area. About halfway home, I realized there was something else I needed. Maybe I'd find it at a place nearer to home. Nope, not at that place.

So I had one more trip to go (and I'd already gone out and back to my place twice in the day). Choosing a place about halfway between my apartment and the mall, I spent a really long time finding something that was close to what I was thinking of. And it was so spectacular that the clerk said, "You don't need a bag for this, do you?"

No, of course not. Out the door, and I was done!

So happy was I that I totally ran a red light at Central and San Pedro.

Matt Worley enjoyed a glass of wine and leftover spaghetti after his shopping adventures, and watched the late afternoon sports talk people on ESPN say the San Diego Chargers have a 75 to 90 percent chance of winning the division even though they're two games behind with four to go.