How are you doing, little voter? Would you like a lollipop? Make you feel better? All nummy inside?

Tax cuts for all (even though most of the cuts go to people who make more in a few months than you will ever make in your entire life)!

See that big ice cream cone? Wanna lick? Psych!

I know you don't make enough money now, but wouldn't you like to be a millionaire and not have to pay a lot in taxes? Yes you would. You're so cute. Just keep dreaming. Someday these massive tax cuts might very possible be yours if you pray and ask God for the riches you most likely deserve!

But right now they're for us.

Because we run this economy! We need money to run it! We need government subsidy...I mean tax cuts for all!

And isn't it horrible that the government wants health care for everyone! Socialism! The big red bear rears its ugly head! You don't want the government in your personal business!

Except for abortion, marriage and Mary J. Wanna!

Abstinence for all, and all for gettin' none!

And Civil Rights? Didn't we do that in the 60s? Aren't we done yet? What's everyone bitching about? I love people who color!

Have you tried the red cotton candy? It's a special new brand! All you want until November 3rd!

By then we will have taken back America for us 'Mericans!

We've owned this land for millions of years...uh, I mean, we totally killed a lot of people for it not too long ago.

Aren't you mad! I mean totally mad because you didn't vote for the guy running the country--and he hasn't done anything for you!

And he wants to take away the dream of maybe someday making a lot of money and not haven't to pay much in taxes. Like, if you won the lottery, you could totally keep more of those millions. Because you deserve it. You work for it. Buy the ticket, take the ride!

Oh, I already told you about the tax thing?

THERE ARE MUSLIMS IN NEW YORK CITY! WHO LET THEM IN? I BET IT WAS THE PRESIDENT (HE'S A CLOSET MUSLIM AND WANTS TO KILL YOU ALL)!

Phew...I thought I was losing you there for a second. Have another lollipop.

AND THE MEXICANS ARE COMING! WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEFEND THE ALAMO AGAIN! WHERE'S DAVY CROCKETT WHEN YOU NEED HIM? BUILD A BIG FUCKING WALL!

Let me rest here for a second. All this yelling is making me a little flushed.

Vote now or forever hold your peace.

I'm just kidding, you can say whatever you want. But if we win, we're gonna laugh at you.

Sucker.

Matt Worley thinks it's been getting a little shrill out there.