In the TV listings last week, Caddyshack was given two stars. One of the funniest movies of all time...two stars. You know what else gets two stars? Sequels to crappy movies. And, pretty much, anything that's a comedy. In that, if it's a comedy, one star is taken off automatically because it's not dramatically moving. Or something like that (add fart noise here).

Having bitched about the lack of respect for comedies, I noticed that Blazing Saddles received four stars. Maybe any comedy that came out after Blazing Saddles automatically loses a star. A harsh, but not entirely pointless, penalty.

So when I was asked on Saturday for one of my favorite comedies, Caddyshack got the nod. A bit of truth, a bit of sympathy.

The U.S. World Cup soccer team won on Friday morning...except they didn't win. They tied. The winning goal was disallowed.

Why?

Well, there's no official explanation. And the U.S. team will have to win on Wednesday morning to move on.

But you can feel the karma chameleon, can't you?

Not because our soccer team is the great shakes. Nope, us having a dominating soccer team would be quite unusual.

I think it probably goes a little farther than that. Maybe it's the almost decade worth of wars we keep fighting (and still can't fully explain why). Possibly it's the befouling of the gulf with black gold (okay, the spill is BP's fault, but the Gulf is our backyard swimming pool). It might even be our great "mommy" complex, telling everyone else how wrong they are without turning an eye on ourselves.

You never know, the ref might have had temporary hallucinations causing him to see our forwards sprouting vampire teeth and chomping into the necks of Slovenia players. I'm pretty sure that would be a foul of some kind. Maybe even a red card.

Rationally, none of it makes sense. A national soccer team (and, y'know, maybe it's because we call it "soccer" because "football" would confuse the hell out of us) shouldn't have to answer for the sins of the entire country. But you know there are a few people outside this country who aren't too fond of ours.

It's not even a conspiracy. They aren't even trying to hide it. And our national bitching about vuvuzelas probably didn't make the rest of the world fans either. Talk about much ado about nothing--have you never watched a World Cup soccer game before? Everyone brings noisemakers, that's the whole point. Solution? Put your own music on and watch the freakin' game. But, even with game audio, it's not that bad at all. Get over it.

Come to think of it, what's with our national obsession with vampires?

I think every network has a vampire show on the air (or starting up this year). I know we're not supposed to tan anymore, but this is ridiculous.

And you're a decade behind the times, anyway. None of these shows will ever be better than "Buffy."

Matt Worley is a little more tiffed that two out of three U.S. World Cup games are on weekday mornings.