I've got about a week left of Evil Matt. Then I gotta shave.

It's not like Evil Matt goes out and does the bidding of Satan. I just stopped shaving when my car went to the hospital, and I figured I'd keep it on for a little longer. I don't feel like shaving. So maybe it's more Mangy Matt than Evil Matt, but I like being Evil.

Satan, or the devil, is real for some people. A physical being that is currently at work tempting regular humans to do bad things.

Like we need the help.

But I usually keep my mouth shut when I realize that someone is talking about the devil as an active creature. I joke about the devil. Satan. But I don't think he's (Or she--it's really possible--but mostly I figure if there is a devil its whatever it wants to be, sex wise. Probably both. Not to demonize hermaphrodites or anything.)...what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, evil deeds of men.

I guess it must be nice to do a lot of bad things and then blame it on something that doesn't exist. Kinda like going to rehab for sex addiction.

I was driving a company van that was set on some radio station. They were talking to Dr. Drew. He's the VH1 addiction expert. He makes his money convincing people that they have a problem and must change their ways. Anything is an addiction.

Watch out, I'm addicted to being Evil Matt! Help me Dr. Drew!

He's not a priest, but he is as zealous as one when it comes to his work.

At this point, I wasn't sure if the station played music or if they just talked a lot and then played commercials. But since the talk wasn't very intelligent, I figured they'd play a song eventually. And they did, they started playing "In Da Club" by 50 Cent while Dr. Drew was talking. It has a really long intro, and Dr. Drew was just rambling about throwing his own kid in jail if the kid had a drug problem that couldn't be stopped with Dr. Drew's talk. Because, y'know, everyone gets fixed in jail.

I thought it was funny that the DJs decided it was better to drown out the "we all need therapy" speech by booming bass. Kinda like having the organist at church start vamping whatever the next hymn is when the preacher's got about a minute left of his sermon. Get everyone warmed up for the musical finale by drowning out whatever point we were supposed to glean from all the talking.

I don't listen to the radio much, but when you aren't driving your own car you don't get custom musical selections. You gotta listen to the airwaves. It didn't convince me I'm missing anything.

I heard an innocuous song by a female singer and found out after that it was Kelly Clarkson's "Life Would Suck Without You." If she sang that lyric in the song, I couldn't tell you. It sounded like birds chirping to a semi-rock track.

Evil Matt is not addicted to Kelly Clarkson.

Maybe I'm addicted to Evil Matt. Maybe Dr. Drew will fill my car up with whatever my Evil Matt addiction consists of and call the cops so I can break my Evil Matt addiction in jail. He suggested this for wayward kids--including his own as I said before--who will not submit to his therapy. And he's apparently very concerned about Lindsey Lohan, even though I hear Quentin Tarantino is writing a script for her. Maybe that's what he's concerned about, because Tarantino does talk better than Dr. Drew.

Except that I just have to shave to get rid of Evil Matt. And I won't shave in jail. Dr. Drew's out of his Dr. mind. I think he's addicted to trying to save the world from itself.

Dr. Drew needs Evil Matt therapy. Stop shaving for a few weeks, Dr. D! It'll all work itself out!

And quit trying to save the world. We're tired of it. And we've got volcanoes and earthquakes to worry about. How's that for evil?

Matt Worley thinks Evil Matt's problem is pointless.