It happens every two years. As a cab driver, I'm required to get a DOT physical and drug test, and of course, pay for it myself. When I first started driving a cab (almost eight years ago), the drug test was not part of the deal. This made me happy because I've been smoking marijuana on a regular basis since I was nineteen. Four years into the cab world (it's almost a freaking career now), the rules changed, and I had to take a drug test with my physical.

I chronicled my first abstinence by saying how much alcohol I consumed in an effort to be weed-free for three weeks. It was somewhere between four and eight drinks a night. Without the pot buzz, I drank much more like Brick in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, waiting for that 'click' before I stopped.

The last time I abstained, I did it for more like ten days and didn't even mention it to the public. I still passed. That's the funny thing about marijuana. If you ask anyone (or the Internet) how long you have to wait before you've cleaned yourself out, the standard answer is 3-30 days for a urine test. That's a pretty big window.

The reason for this is that while marijuana leaves your system in a couple days, the THC metabolites stay in your body and are stored in your fat cells. Unlike cocaine, methamphetamines, or heroin, the metabolites of THC linger on much more than the harder stuff. That's right, pot smokers are punished much more than users of harder stuff when trying to clean themselves out.

Of course, while the hard drugs are much more physically addictive, marijuana is just psychologically addictive. Your mind craves the weed, not really your body. There is no physical withdrawal, probably because it stays in your system for a while to allow everyone an easy come down. So the thing that makes marijuana easy is the same thing that makes drug tests so hard.

There are many suggestions on how to beat drug tests: smuggle in clean urine, use five-day purifiers, flush your system with as much water as you can handle, and so on. But the real answer is abstinence. Stop smoking. For a moody man like myself, it makes my moods come back with more bite. There are times with I would like nothing more than to kick back and space out, but my willpower says No. In the weakest moments, I turn to the method I did for my first test: drink until I get that 'Click.'

A reminder of the simple irony. We as Americans are allowed to drink ourselves into oblivion one night and stumble into work with hangovers, but as long as we get our work done, we can booze it up again the next night. Anyone caught with marijuana in their system is subject to dismissal. God Bless America?

I know times are changing. Marijuana is becoming a medical option, and many are taking advantage. Drug wars in Mexico and economic problems in America are forcing even Republicans to consider the legalization (and taxation) of the wacky weed. While I don't think marijuana will save anyone's life and I wouldn't recommend driving over 20 miles an hour on dope, it really is a fairly harmless mind alteration. All the stereotypical jokes about slackers on sofas eating chips are true, but there are still more benefits to the weed than detriments.

But blah, blah, blah to the political issues. I still think legalization is 10-20 years away, and I have to take the drug test this month. Now that I have a family, I smoke about half as much as I used to (I also drink half as much), and my baby girl fills up my time much more than in my bachelor abstinent moments. I've still got at least a week to go, but I will play ball with the drug test. As if I really have a choice.

If you can't quit puffing for two or three weeks, you probably need to learn how. I love my weed, but I need my job. Once it's done, then two more years of smoking freedom. Hooray!

Chris Jungle will take a medicinal marijuana prescription the first chance he gets.