Thirty-six. Six Squared. Divisible by 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, 12, 18, and of course 36. Seems like a pretty accessible number, and by the time you read this, I will be 36 years old.

This means I have lived as many years away from my parents as I did with them. Only in the last two years of 18 years away did I become a parent myself. I partied with Peter Pan many a year.

It also means I have been eligible to become President of the United States for one year now. It's funny, when I was 25, I had the delusional belief that I could be president. By the time I was 35, I realized I was far too principled, honest and scrupled for such a position, not to mention all the unknown scandals. The forefathers knew what they were doing when they picked that number for eligibility.

Thirty-six means I'm now officially more than half-way to getting social security. Insert your own cackling right here. Even if I do live into my sixties, the social security system is already broke. At the rate boomers will double dip the system, I don't expect a wooden nickel to come back to me should I live twice as long as I have. Enjoy the money old people, I'm trying to pay in as little as possible. As all old people tell me anyway, don't get old. And yet, I'm a year older every year.

Every birthday means I turn 14 years older than my wife. There's a three month period when there's only a thirteen year gap. It's usually when she seems the most mature. Now we're back to 14 years, and I'm literally her old man again.

The U.S. soccer team has never won The World Cup in my lifetime. The Kansas City Chiefs have never won the Super Bowl in my lifetime. The New Mexico Lobos men's basketball team has never reached the Sweet 16 in my lifetime. I think everyone agrees that 36 years is a long time to wait for anything to happen. I think I have about sixty years for Halley's Comet to come back around, and I'm not sure what I saw was the comet in the first place when I was a kid.

Thirty-six is really the first real warning of the big 4-0. After 36, the rest of the thirties numbers seem nondescript. 37 is a prime number, but who's counting? 38, meh. 39, that's the last warning. And then, four decades of life have past you by. Just. Like. That.

But what about the accomplishments? All of the splendor? All the conquests? Well, let's see...16 years of school, 14 years of writing this column, 10 years of theatre, seven years of driving a cab, 4 years of being in a rock band, two years of fatherhood, and a few months of marriage. Thousands of movies watched, hundreds of books read, dozens of trips around the country, a handful of interesting relationships with women, and one true love. Not bad for a human being.

Mid-life crisis coming? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm still shocked to have lived this long, so to assume I'm going to make it another 36 years is quite optimistic. I still think having a family was my mid-life crisis. It just snuck up on me so quick, that I didn't have time to consider it a crisis. Let's just call it life-altering. Sure, it would be cool to have a muscle car, but it's still more important to have a cheap car that runs. Whatever 'mid-life' crisis I may have, I doubt it will be traditional.

What about spiritually? Am I closer to God? I don't think so, but next month, I am directing the Woody Allen play called God. I guess that's a start.

What about financially? How's that retirement fund coming? After paying for a wedding and budding family, retirement seems an absurd question for this thirty-six year old. People always talk about making a million. I'll let you know when one hundred thousand ever comes my way. We all make a choice: live to work, or work to live. I usually choose the latter.

I would be satisfied with my life thus far, but I'm kind of an insatiable guy. When I was 18, all I could think about was the future. Now I'm 36, and all I can think about is the present. I guess that means when I'm 54, it will be all about the past.

For now, I am what I am. It could be better. It could be worse. But I'm living just like all of you. I'm still happy to have birthdays and something to type about on the weekends. Hey, shut up! I'm talking!

Just kidding. Thanks for reading through the years.

Chris Jungle is old for a young person and young for an old person.