I filled out my Census info this weekend because, you know, I want to be in compliance. It is the first time I can recall filling out the Census information myself. In 2000, I lived with my brother, and he was always filling out all the pertinent information. In 1990, I was a sophomore in high school, so my mom probably filled out the pertinent information. Now, it's my turn. I must be all growns up.

It was not very difficult for the most part. How many people live in your place? Three. How do you pay for your place? Rent. Are you sure about how many people are in your place? Yes. And so forth.

Even filling out my own information was simple. I am a white male of 35 years of age. Easy.

Then I got to my other house dwellers. Also known as my fiancee and daughter. This is where things get muddled. Even before you answer the question about your own race, you have to answer if you are Hispanic. It goes on to clarify that Hispanics are not a race (like Jews), but they still want to know what kind of Hispanic you are. While Maria has brown blood in her from Mexico, Spain & Native Americans, she always likes to say she is of Spanish ancestry. This may be true, and since one of the options is to say you're a Spaniard, that's what we put down for her. Do I really think she's Spanish? Not much. Does it really matter? Not really. Especially since Hispanics aren't a race in the Census' eyes in the first place.

When it comes to race, Maria is White, just like me. Not Caucasian, but White. There are no other color delineations in the entire race section of the Census. No Black, Browns or Yellows, but there's still White. Nobody cares if I came from Europe or Australia. I'm just White, and so is my Brown fiancee. This came as a surprise because I've always considered Hispanics Brown People, and so does pretty much everyone else. Even Hispanics. Maybe Brown is the new White.

I had to classify our relationship as unmarried partners. The Census specifically says to classify your relationship as of April 1, 2010. If they would have waited one more month, we could have said we were married. We're getting married on May Day! Timing is everything, so we will be counted as an unmarried couple for ten more years in the Census' eyes.

Then came our brownish-white baby. If Maria is a Hispanic Spaniard White woman, then so is my daughter. Really she's half Hispanic Spaniard White and half White. Does this mean she's Hispanic Lite? There's no box to check for that, so my baby is considered just Hispanic Spaniard White. I would never classify her as that in my own terms, but this is for the Census and not for me. Did I ever tell you she has really pretty blue eyes?

Then came the age difference, which is always more amusing to me than anything else. I am a 35 year old man. My unmarried partner is twenty-two, and my biological daughter is one. 35-22-01. No, it's not a locker combination or the disturbing measurements of a hipless woman. It's the ages of our happy family. I do like it that my fiancee is closer to my age than our daughter's.

Of course, the all important answer is still three. There are three of us living under one roof. Now, the government can figure out what to do with districts and counties and states and regions. Finally!

It wasn't that complicated, and it is the law. Whatever that means. What are you in for? Census evasion. Whoa, bummer.

So there you go. This 35 year-old White man is renting a house with a 22 year-old Hispanic Spaniard White unmarried woman partner and their one year-old Hispanic Spaniard White baby girl. That makes three of us, as of April 1, 2010.

That's what the government wanted to know, so that's what I told them. Just like I told all of you.

Chris Jungle has been able to count to three for a long time.