I thought if we just stop asking questions or taking pictures or making fun of them, they would just go away.

I'm wrong, of course. You can get away from the annoying by putting your hand up between your eyes and their TV faces, but it doesn't make them really go away. It's just digital peek-a-boo.

And I like to think they aren't actually real people. Just images and sound bites made up to amuse us for awhile. And when it's not funny anymore, they'll be replaced by some other fake people saying bat-shit crazy things.

But this isn't true either. I guess they are real. And, I guess, they wrote books. Even if they didn't actually do the writing. And even if they don't really have anything to say, because if they did, wouldn't we have heard it already? Were they holding something juicy back?

Everyone's talking about Sarah Palin's memoir, Going Rogue.

I haven't read it or bought it and don't plan on reading it. The last time I bought a book I really didn't want to read was Rush Limbaugh's first book. I had to write a final paper for my political science class, and it was easy to read the thing and then write about all of the factual inaccuracies. Or lies, one might say. I got an A minus.

I tried to sell the book back a few years later and found no takers. He'd already spit out a few more of these things by then, so his first thoughts about how things oughta be were so 1992 by then.

But apparently Sarah's got a lot to say about her life. And, from what I've heard, everything is someone else's fault. Way to woman up.

I'm guessing the book is a list of all the people we can blame for her ascendance to infamy. Useful for your next tea bag party.

So let me get this straight. You shoot your mouth off for a few months, and this is worth a book deal.

Which leads me to Carrie Prejean. If she hadn't LOST the beauty pageant for saying gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married, we wouldn't know about her at all. If she had actually WON the thing, we wouldn't be making jokes about her last name, because we'd have no idea who she is.

But the beautifully body enhanced California blonde robotically ticked off one of the gay judges, and now she's famous for it.

And she's got a book out, too. I'm thinking, unless it includes an extensive photo gallery of bikini (or less) shots, this book won't sell as much as Sarah's. It's called Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate and Political Attacks.

Untold story, huh? You mean there's more to learn about how you think certain citizens of this country should be denied the same rights as you? Enlighten me.

She was again in the news this week because she was pimping her book (in fact waving it in front of the camera) on talk shows. Larry King pissed off her handlers (and, I guess, Prejean herself, but it's hard to tell because robots don't show emotion well) and she stopped talking.

STOPPED TALKING! ON A TALK SHOW!

So are prejeans corduroys? Are they learner jeans? Are they green jeans? Get you into the habit of wearing tight clothes over your butt and legs and eventually you'll get to wear real grown up jeans?

Had to do it because, Jesus, if I ever got a book published, Carrie Prejean's book would still outsell mine. And it's not even gonna sell that well!

But if those naughty videos of her get pimped to a distributor...well, they might bring in a nice wad.

And, interestingly, Sarah Palin is Carrie Prejean's hero. She said so, right before she said she wouldn't say anything any more because Larry King was being inappropriate.

So one might think that everyone who buys Prejean's book will probably buy Sarah Palin's book. Amazon says of those who buy Prejean's only 11% buy Sarah Palin's book, but that's probably because they bought the Palin book first. It does offer to bundle Prejean, Palin and Glenn Beck's books together (for a low, low price of $41.95).

Sarah Palin's book is the cheapest, by the way. A cool $9. Glenn Beck's is priciest (he ain't no commie!).

Methinks Amazon ordered a crapload of these. That's actually how the publishers are selling all of these books. By the crapload. Might want to start wearing boots.

Matt Worley is mentioned briefly in a book called Fargo Rock City. It's available for $9.89.