An eccentric friend of mine explained to me in the year 2000 that it was unnecessary to put the zero before the number of the year in the aughts when writing the date. As a result, for the last ten years I've written just one number when explaining the year (i.e. 2003 was 3). No one ever commented on this or told me I was wrong. Everyone knew what I meant. This single digit year explanation will now end, and I shan't see its days again. Mortality is just one of the many revelations and adventures I've experienced in the aughts. Let me share a few more in no particular order:

I started acting on stage in the year 0 and directing in 2. I have since acted in over two dozen plays and directed half a dozen full productions. The funny thing is that I'm not even that good at either one yet.

As part of my insatiable quest for spiritual enlightenment, I went to at least six new age sweats (like the Native Americans but with white people). In 4, I thought I could summon my own visions and was thoroughly disappointed with the Great Spirit when none occurred during the ceremony. As result, I left the after-party celebration quickly and tumbled down some stairs, narrowly escaping smashing my head (an extremely bruised shoulder saved me). A vision? Two months later, I was in a serious car accident when I was T-boned by an SUV, narrowly escaping being sandwiched and smashed. Instead, I walked away with a concussion and bruised ribs. I no longer search for God nor wish to commune with higher powers. I'm just going to try to live a good life and settle up at the end.

In September of 2, I got a job as a cab driver, pretty much on a lark. I am still a cab driver to this day, pretty much on a lark.

In 3, I was thoroughly disgusted and angry with my artistic life. I was a failed writer, uninspired actor, and treading water in the Bush America. My brother and an old friend from college felt the same way, and we started a loud and simple rock band called Old Beans. I picked up a bass guitar and learned to thump, thump, thump it. Two years later, we added another guitarist and became even louder. I would say we were the loudest band in Albuquerque, and few would disagree. I screamed and thumped for four years total, and I finally got the teenage angst out of me in my early thirties. Better late than never.

In 1, I went on a two-week cruise with my Mom through the Caribbean and up the Amazon River in Brazil. It was a swell way to travel. It was the only time I have left the country (save border towns in Mexico), and well-to-do British folk taught me how drink and appreciate good wine. I do this quite regularly now.

In 8, I voted for the winning candidate for the President of the United States. It was the first time I had voted for the winner since my first attempt in 1992. I celebrated by drinking martinis & scotch & puking. God Bless America.

After failing not only to get the part of Hamlet but also to be cast in the play itself, I decided in 6 to something completely different and was cast in a family series play called Ozma of Oz. I met a girl named Maria working back stage toward the end of the run, and we kissed at a cast party while playing spin the bottle. A week later, she called me up and asked me out (I was not about to ask out any young girls in the cast). She said she was 23. Then she said she was 20. She was really 18 (14 years my junior). We have been together ever since.

In 7, I impregnated Maria. We had a talk and decided to have a baby together. She miscarried the next week on the longest day of my life. A month later, I impregnated her again. No talk was needed. On 8/11/8, she gave birth to a screaming baby girl we call Donna Rose, and I became a father. So far, so good.

I know a lot has happened in the world in the last decade, but when it comes down to it, all of the important stuff in our self-centered lives are about us. I'm sure if you look back from 0-9, the big stuff is about you, too. What's next for the 10s? Well, I will play Bill Clinton in a play going up in February, and I will officially give up my bachelor status on May Day and marry Maria. Life just keeps on going until it doesn't. Let's hope we have as much to remember at the end of 19.

Hope your Aughts were worth remembering. I'll be in the cab when they officially end. Where will you be?

Chris Jungle has fun with simple numbers.