I helped my cousin unload a table from her truck into her house yesterday. It was a solid, albeit beat-up, old table. It was short and quirky, with long flaps that could be brought up or down. My cousin said she paid $100 for it at a thrift store, and then asked me if she paid too much. I had to say 'Yes.' I wouldn't have paid fifty bucks for it, but then I remembered my own predicament. I am paying for a wedding.

Mind you, I am not planning a wedding, just paying for it. No, it's not for my fifteen-month-old daughter. It's for her mom & me. Of course without the little one, I probably would not be getting married next year, but there's really only so long you want your child to be a bastard. Best to nix that moniker before she can really understand the concept.

To cheer up my cousin for saying she paid too much for her wooden table, I told her of the latest purchases for the wedding: cake toppers. When guys think of a wedding, they know there's going to be a place, a dress, a ring, and a cake. These are pretty much inevitable. There are many other things a man does not account for, and one of them is cake toppers.

In case you didn't know, the cake topper is the thing at the top of the wedding cake, usually a bride and groom or an initial of the couple's last name. Sounds simple, right? Well, not really when you think about how much these little doo-dads cost. To get something tacky or down right cheesy will cost you about thirty bucks. Something plain and simple will run about fifty bucks. And something with a bit of personality can run into the hundreds. Remember, this is not the cake itself, but the thing you put on top of it. The cake can run fifty to four hundred dollars by our estimates, and it looks like were going with something in the middle.

A little sidebar: everything we spend on the wedding, I equate to a case of wine. A case of wine is pretty much the only routinely pricey thing I buy for us, and it usually comes out to about $120 for 12 bottles. I get a 12 percent discount when I buy a case! So if something cost $250, for example, I chime in with "That's two cases of wine we're talking about." The charm has worn off the expression, but I continue to use it anyway. The truth is I would rather have two cases of wine than most of the things I'm paying for in this wedding. But hey, that's why I'm the groom.

But back to the cake toppers. This was something that truly stressed out my fiancee. She searched high and low for something she liked. It is apparently next to impossible to find a blond-headed groom with a brunette bride. Not only are mixed-race marriages uncommon, so are mixed hair-colored. Someone should do a study.

The search went on for weeks. I like this about this one, but I don't like that. This one's cute, but it's way too expensive. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do.

This is when the man comes in and makes a decision. I looked over the choices and made a decision. I would not have my manhood diminished by being locked into some struggle over cake toppers. We would make a decision and move on. We settled on the only one that we both liked, regardless of price, just so we could be done with it and move on to the next thing.

We both liked the little Precious Moments cake topper with little blond Prince Charming and little brunette Snow White. Prince Charming is on his knee and handing Snow White a rose. Hey, our daughter's name is Donna Rose. That's cute! That works! Let's get that one. Of course, anything with personality (and Disney characters to boot) costs a bit. Sixty-five bucks on sale plus ten bucks shipping. Shipping never costs as much as they charge, but it's not negotiable. Seventy-five bucks for a cake topper. That's more than a half case of wine!

Just when you think the issue has been solved, your fiancee will remind you that there is still one more cake topper to get for the groom's cake. Groom's cake? How many cakes do you need for a wedding? Who made up these rules?

Since the ball was solely in my court for this one, I settled it like a man in practically no time at all. The groom's cake will be a standard cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory (about twenty bucks), and I found a little model taxi cab for seven bucks and five bucks shipping on E-bay. Groom's cake & topper: $32. Wedding cake & topper: $275

Three hundred bucks for cakes and toppers. Say it with me: that's two and half cases of wine!

I told this story to my cousin, and she felt better about her $100 table purchase. That's the way it is with buying stuff, whether it's for weddings or otherwise. It's a combination of how much do you want (or need) it, how much does it cost, do you want to keep looking, and is it all really worth it. Only you can decide.

Next up for the wedding: Invitations. Guess what? It doesn't get any easier. How much for a piece of paper and an envelope!?!?

Chris Jungle suggests everyone equate their purchases to a case of wine.