I got 2 lawn tickets for the No Doubt concert at the end of the month. Maria wanted to go, and I thought it would be a swell Mother's Day gift. Our daughter, Donna Rose, is nine months old, so this is our first official & legitimate Mother's Day. Twenty-five bucks a ticket plus ten dollars in fees or each (someone is cashing in on fees!), and it set me back seventy bucks. Oh well, Happy Mother's Day, right?

That was a couple weeks ago. You can't call gifts from two weeks ago a gift for Mother's Day. We forget so fast. On Friday, we ordered in Vietnamese food ($20), and I treated Maria to a night at the theatre. A modern production of "Eurydice" was playing at The Cell Theatre, so we took in the show while Grandma stayed with the baby. The play was goofy and silly and full of theatrical spectacle. In short, it was a good time. Twenty-five bucks a ticket (minus my $7 discount for being an actor) made it $43.

The play lasted 90 minutes with no intermission, and since Grandma was staying the night, we decided to stop off for drinks. Maria, the fresh young mama, is now 21, so we can drink together in public. I honestly didn't know where to take her. Most of my drinking in bars is done with males, so we swill beer and cackle at any and every dive. After cruising Central, I decided on the Nob Hill Bar and Grill. We sat back in a booth with a view of old Route 66. She had two rounds of Manhattans and I had two pints of Anchor Steam. We split an oatmeal cookie cream pie dessert. We felt like a grown up couple for a change. With tip, the bill was $35, and Maria decided to be Dutch and paid a twenty. I covered the rest. A nice start to Mother's Day Weekend.

On Saturday, Rose (Maria's Mom), Maria & Donna Rose were going to spend the day together making a Mother's Day cake. I planned to vacate the house for a while. First, I went to recycle. There are bins in random parts of town, and we have plenty of paper, plastic and glass to contribute. Recycle, reduce, reuse, people! On the way back, I stopped by the Smith's grocery store to pick up flowers and champagne. I decided on some pink Cyclamens and a bottle of Rose champagne. $22. Maria always wants flowers, so she will always get them.

I dropped off the flowers and champagne (to Maria's glee) and strolled off to my brother's place. All the spending and womanly items was starting to get to me. Besides, it was 1 p.m. and the ladies still had to get the recipe and ingredients for the cake, let alone cook it. My brother and I had just finished a glass of white wine and a toke while listening to old records when the phone call came. The rocker that Maria's Mom had bought was in at Babies 'R' Us, and could Matt and I go get it? You cannot refuse favors on Mother's Weekend. We took a half hour to sober up and went off for another adventure to pick up a chair.

First stop, the 7-11 for water and lottery tickets. Water for the heat (it was 90 degrees) and six bucks on the $109 million jackpot. My brother works indirectly for the lottery, so he pays me to get some tickets. He rationalizes it as a way to fund his salary. He gave me a five, and I covered the rest ($3). Fast forward to today, we only had one number right on any ticket. We will all keep working.

Second stop, Babies 'R' Us. We wait at customer service while people return items. What can I say? People go on shopping sprees and buy too much. I feel like I'm in the middle of a spree while I wait. Finally, they get the rocker which comes in a box too big for his car. The clerk suggest to cut the box open and just take the parts. This works! We load up the parts and skedaddle. Since it was already paid for, it cost me nothing. Nice.

Third stop, Golden Pride. I hadn't eaten from this local chicken and New Mexican joint in years, but we were in the neighborhood. Matt and I split the bill on 10 pieces of rotisserie and rolls ($7). Fourth stop, Walgreens, to pick up diaper rash cream and two rolls of photos. I get doubles, which apparently means it costs double. Each roll cost 11 dollar to develop. Add butt cream for baby, and it was $28. I think someone at Walgreen's is grifting photo money.

Matt and I drop off the rocker, photos (what a cute baby!) and butt cream. The ladies are out on their own adventure, so we go back to Matt's to live off chicken and wine for awhile. I mosey back home at 8 p.m. and the ladies have just put the cake in the oven. Apparently, they had three trips to the store, but at least, they were having fun. Go Moms! Of course, they discover we were out of powdered sugar and icing. I make a run to John Brooks just before they close at 10 p.m. for the sugar items and two jugs of water ($6). I pass out around eleven while the ladies figure out how to work fondant. Apparently, they finished everything around 1 a.m.

Tally it up, and I spent $214 in the name of Mother's Day. It's a little overboard, but I'm new to this stuff. I will calm down about it next year. You're only a new mother once, and stay-at-home Mom Maria deserves everything I gave her and more. She, you know, takes care of my kid and stuff.

Oh yeah, Maria and I woke up around seven-thirty this morning, made some Mother's Day love, and went back to sleep for another hour. It didn't cost me a thing.

Chris Jungle wants to take it easy on Father's Day.