None of this would have happened if I'd have just been cast in "Hamlet." In late 2005, I auditioned to play the role of all theatre roles. Really, there were three of us gunning for the madman. Winner got the role, runner up got Laertes, and third didn't get called back. I was third. Licking my acting wounds, I decided to go a completely different way and auditioned for a Family Series play at The Albuquerque Little Theatre called "Ozma of Oz." Being a literary man, I thought being part of the famous Frank Baum story would be all right. After auditions and three call backs, I was offered the dual roles of Captain Sam (in the real world) and General (in Oz). I accepted.

The cast was multi-generational, with lots of kids all the way up to an old man. I was the only person in his thirties, and I played nice with everyone. I made it a point not to flirt too much with the cute high school girls or the back stage help, even the fake blonde Hispanic girl who called me Sergeant Pepper (I basically wore a green & black marching band uniform as General). The play had one cast party the night before we closed, hosted by a college kid. We drank and laughed and played spin the bottle. I smooched all the girls meaninglessly, and the fake blonde came up to me after the game was done and laid a big wet one on me. It was nice, but she disappeared before I could do make any more moves. Next day, the play was done, and that was that. So I thought.

The next week, I got a call from that fake blonde, asking me if I wanted to go out. We agreed to meet at El Patio and have dinner. She said her name was Maria, she was twenty-three, lived on the West Side and had no car. We decided to go out the next week for dinner. This became our ritual. I would call her once during the week and pick her up for a date, usually on the weekend. I discovered soon that she was only twenty, so we couldn't drink in public. No big deal. She was nice and sweet and simple. I really liked that after many failed attempts to get with freaky artists and actresses.

About five months into our dating, we hit our first true crossroads. I joked about her age and asked to see her license, and Maria balked. It turned out my twenty-year-old girlfriend was really eighteen. She had been eighteen for a month when we met. Everything was always legal but still very weird. At the time of discovery, I was playing an ignorant child killer in "The Pillowman," so my real life issues didn't seem quite so bad. There's worse things than having a really young girlfriend, but I knew she could lie (or keep things from me) any time she wanted. Still, Maria was the best thing going, and I decided to roll with it until something else happened, or she decided to finally hang out with kids her own age.

We dated once a week until she finally moved out on her own (she was living at her aunt's), and she moved into an apartment complex near me. That's when the relationship kicked up a notch. Instead of living across town, I could walk to her place in ten minutes. The once-a-week visits became two or three times. She stopped dying her hair blonde and wore less make up. I would sleep over at least once a week. By Christmas of 2007, Maria was pregnant. I'm sure you can figure out how this happened. FYI, don't get your birth control from a patch.

By spring of 2008, Maria moved in with me. Our honeymoon period occurred during the second and third trimester, and we embraced our incoming baby girl. On August 11 at 8:52 p.m., Donna Rose Worley was born. Life, as they say, has never been the same.

Maria has been a stellar mom. Not perfect (because no one is), but she has taken to breastfeeding and caring for our DR like she was made for it. When I met her in "Ozma of Oz," one of her jobs was caretaker of the little kids. I always thought she would be a good mom, but I never thought it was going to be for my kids. I continue to drive that cab and bring home the bacon for mama and baby.

The worst thing I do as a man is neglect. Not because I'm hiding or running away, but because I pick up projects that take up good chunks of my time, mostly acting or directing. I am a weird artistic guy, but that's why we met in the first place. What thirty-one-year-old bachelors audition for children's plays? When I direct is the toughest because I have to be at the theatre for everything. Actors, tech, production, etc. For the last two months, I directed a play called "TOPDOG/UNDERDOG," and between two and five nights were at the theatre while Maria cared for Donna Rose all day and night. Probably the biggest favor I can ask of a woman is to care for my child while I work and direct, and she pulled it off with minimal complaints. I haven't mentioned it yet, but Maria is The One.

After TOPDOG had its opening night, I came home a little lit on whiskey and daffodils in my hands, and I asked my wonderful young lady to marry me. She thought I was waiting for her 21st birthday (as punishment for her big fib), but I wanted to surprise her. She, of course, said 'Yes,' and it flicked a switch in her head. She is now officially in wedding mode. I find it amusing, but she deserves it. No other woman (sans my own mother) has come close to the love and commitment she's given to me. Not to mention our beautiful baby girl.

Yesterday on Valentine's Day, we went shopping for her engagement ring. The first place we went to customized our diamond and band for more than I wanted to spend but not more than I could handle. It seemed too good to be true, so we went to a couple other places. Nothing topped that first ring, and we went back to claim it.

The ring will be ready on Wednesday, and there's no going back. Of course, there has been no going back since Donna Rose became a keeper. I am engaged with Maria, and we will be married in April of 2010.

I guess that's what you get for not being good enough to play Hamlet.

Chris Jungle is taken.