A few weeks ago, my wife asked me what was up with South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford.

"His wife is cute," she said. "Why would he have an affair?"

My response is the same as the one I've given any woman who has asked me such a question.

"It's not about the wife. It's about the guy."

Guys cheat on their wives. To be fair, many women cheat on their husbands. From an evolutionary perspective, it is to a man's advantage to cheat and to a woman's advantage not to cheat unless her husband is sterile. This is because evolution's catch phrase isn't "survival of the fittest" but rather "survival of the offspring." The more kids you have, the more of your genes in the human pool. Evolutionarily speaking, Screamin' Jay Hawkins (with his scores of acknowledged kids) might have been the highest-evolved man in the history of the earth.

But I'm not getting into all of that. Most guys I know aren't out to populate the world. At a recent gathering of (mostly) Unitarian men (me being the apostate, or as close as you can be among Unitarians), we took a poll. One vasectomy, one vasectomy counseling (without completion) and six guys who wanted to have vasectomies--but their wives didn't.

Evolutionarily speaking, of course, the wives are quite correct. But it's interesting. We were all men of a certain age (the youngest was a year younger than my 39) and we feel we're done with the whole baby thing. Our wives, however, aren't sure.

But then, we're guys who (probably) aren't going out on our wives, even though it does seem to be the thing to do these days. Witness Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino's dalliance in a restaurant.

The news stories simply report that six years ago Pitino had sex with a woman who wasn't his wife. In a restaurant. At a table. With people watching. Now, to my way of thinking, there are only three ways to have sex at a table. There's the woman lying on her back at the table (not discreet), the woman lying on her stomach on the table (not at all discreet) or the woman on the man's lap while seated at the table (not particularly discreet, but somewhat moreso than the other two). Don't know how he did it, but if I had to guess, I'd have to go for #3. Not that it matters.

I'm a stay-at-home dad. On occasion, I hear comments from about men from stay-at-home moms. My wife is a member of a book club, and she has reported similar conversations. So I don't think the sentiments I'm about to reveal are particularly unusual.

These stay-at-home moms think their husbands are a little too interested in sex and not appreciative enough of the job they do at home. One digression at book club elicited this comment: "Hey, if he has an affair it takes all the pressure off of me."

I don't think this is an entirely common sentiment. Indeed, if this particular woman's husband cheated on her, I think she would probably kill him. But I understand the irritation of a woman who feels her man is interested in her for just one thing.

But see, that's the point of an affair if you're a guy. You've found a woman who is happy to be the object of sexual attention and nothing else. Or, at least, that's the fantasy. Pitino, of course, is now embroiled in a monster controversy not only due to the affair itself but also the abortion his paramour (if you could accurately call her that) had soon after the table sex and the extortion charges the woman now faces for trying to blackmail Pitino.

Rule #1: There is no such thing as "just sex." Sex always has consequences. Possible pregnancy is an obvious one, but there's also disease, embarrassment and the possible destruction of relationships.

I think this is a shame, actually, despite the fact that I haven't cheated on my wife and don't really intend to do so. I mean, sex is natural and sex is fun and there's no reason it has to be so complicated. "Free love" is an awesome concept, but it's bullshit. Sex is fraught with complications and we simply have to accept that and move on.

Rule #2: Don't bang anybody in the neighborhood.

This, of course, is the classic rule. Don't embarrass yourself and most of all, don't embarrass the missus. If you're going to step out, step out somewhere other than down the street. People are always watching, and someone will know. At some point, so will your spouse.

Rule #3: Don't bang a crazy person.

John Edwards could've used this advice (if you don't think Rielle Hunter is crazy, give me one good reason why she took her baby with her to the grand jury). Pitino, too, might have been a bit more judicious. But then again, he'd been drinking and this woman wanted to bang him at the table. At some point, common sense goes out the window. Or, you know, under the table. Whatever.

Rule #4: If you're famous, make sure your partner is more famous than you.

This worked for JFK and, apparently, his brother. JFK counted Marilyn Monroe among his mistresses, and by recent reports, RFK counted Jackie Kennedy as one of his. If the threat of embarrassment is higher for your consort, you've got a better chance of getting away with it.

Rule #5: The easiest way to do it is with the full awareness (if not acceptance) of your spouse.

This, I believe, is Bill Clinton's style. Few people believe that the Clinton marriage has much to do with sex, but as the recent North Korean rescue episode shows, marriages are built on many things other than sex. Respect, admiration and even love (without sex) are good reasons for a marriage. As a married guy I'm not about to judge anyone else's marriage.

On the other hand, if you're a guy who's cheating on your wife, be honest when you're caught. The affair has nothing to do with your wife's shortcomings. It's about your own. And that's that.

Jon Worley is just sayin'.