Parents are always searching for the magic bullet, that one thing that will turn their children into perfect little beings. We seem to be searching for the perfect lesson that will make all of our lives easier.

There are lots of parenting books out there that seem to tell us that such a lesson exists. Here's a quick look at what popped up on Amazon when I searched for "parenting":

Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior and Character in 5 Days
The No-Cry Discipline Solution
Playful Parenting
Transforming the Difficult Child
Grace-Based Parenting
1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents

As it turns out, there's a whole series of 1-2-3 Magic books, though given the aversion certain sects have toward Harry Potter, I'm not sure if "magic" is a big selling point in the evangelical Christian community. Nonetheless, there are a lot of parenting books out there that seem to be telling us "All you need to do is...and your kids will be perfect."

That's a load of crap. There are lots of little lessons in childhood, but the most effective ones are the ones parents don't teach.

Parents teach best by example. It doesn't matter how many times you yell at your kid to look before crossing the street. If you always dash right in without looking, then your kids just aren't going to pay any attention. "Do as I say, not as I do," really doesn't work.

I keep telling people that I want to write a parenting book. I've got a title already picked out: There Will Be Blood.

It's a joke, sort of. Parenting is a contact sport, and nobody gets it right 100 percent of the time. Most of us aren't even close. But one thing I have learned is that whenever you really want to teach a kid a lesson, you shouldn't. Give the kid a little space and allow him or her the chance to discover the lesson on their own.

Even so, sometimes it is a good idea to sit kids down and try to shed a little light on some of life's mysteries. Kids don't really listen to the "wisdom" dispensed, but sometimes they appreciate the effort.

This is not true of adults. It is never a good idea to teach an adult a lesson, no matter how much you think that lesson may need to be taught. This is the stupid mistake that Sgt. James Crowley made when he arrested Henry Louis Gates Jr. up in Cambridge.

I must admit to reading between the lines, but it seems to me that Crowley handcuffed Gates and took him to the pokey in order to teach the high and mighty Harvard professor a lesson in how to behave properly when dealing with the police. I understand why Crowley might have wanted to do that, but trying to teach a lesson to an adult is just plain stupid.

I don't think this incident proves that Crowley is a racist. It does, however, prove that he isn't always man enough to walk away from a stupid encounter.

That's a hard thing to do. Parents of young children (and older children, really) face this just about every day. At some point, your child will simply look at you and say, in effect, "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

It would be nice to think that I could remember to "pick my battles" and walk away for a few minutes. Sometimes I do. A lot of times I don't. The book title I mentioned? My blood boils a few times a day, and I'm not always patient enough to simply get off the heat.

Most of us aren't assholes. But we all act like assholes more often than we like to admit. Our kids aren't all brats, but all of them have their bratty moments. We're all people, and we all make mistakes.

The real measure of our quality is in how we clean up our messes. And the easiest way to begin is to admit your mistakes. After that, it's all downhill.

Jon Worley cleaned up water, milk, clothing dye, lemonade, iced tea, guinea pig pee, chicken juice and blood today.