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1.4.09 Inaugurathon 2009 by Jon Worley A few months ago, the notion of being anywhere other than the Mall on Inauguration Day would have seemed crazy to me. I fully expected Barack Obama to be elected, and damned if I wasn't going to be witnessing history, my boys at my side. Since the election, however, my perspective has changed somewhat. Folks often hit up my wife, one of those Washington reporter types, for tips on attending the inauguration. "If you go to the inauguration, you will die," she often tells people. Their eyes get very wide as they slowly realize that she's not quite kidding. She's had to sit through Secret Service anti-terrorism briefings and the like, which pretty much explains her point of view. Of course, she's going to be there (it's her job), and she doesn't expect to die, so there might be a bit of hyperbole in her remonstrations. On the other hand, she's taken up the "stay away" call that is emanating from our nation's capital in recent weeks. Here's one of the more benign statements in the latest "Inaugural Advisory" put out by the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies: "Please think carefully about whether you can stand outside in cold weather in a large crowd for up to six hours, and whether you are ready for long delays getting home afterwards." This is actually good advice. This is why my wife is dead set against me taking the boys downtown on the 20th. Boys who are six and four aren't good sports about staying in one place for a few minutes, much less six hours. So we've (kinda) agreed on some guidelines for our attendance. In order for us to head downtown at seven in the morning (or so), these weather conditions must be met:
So this means...we probably won't be there. The last three inaugurations were chilly. Clinton's in 1993 was chilly (40 degrees at noon) but sunny. That sort of weather is a heavy maybe. The elder Bush and Ronald Reagan (the first time) took the oath of office with temperatures in the 50s. Of course, it was seven (and dropping) in 1985, the coldest inauguration in history. But if you're not toting kids and you have a reasonably solid constitution, come on down. A few million folks are expected to join in the festivities. But don't expect to drive into a suburban Metro station, hop a train and get down to the Capitol. That just won't happen. For starters, Metro's ridership record for one day is about 854,000. Everyone expects that number to top one million on January 20, but there's really no way the train system can handle much more than that. Those are one-way trips, too, which means we're talking about 500,000 folks getting to the inauguration by subway. The record for Metrobus ridership (D.C.'s bus system, which covers most of the busses coming into the city) is about 498,000. That total, too, might eclipse one million. Throw in a few thousand on MARC and VRE (Maryland and Virginia commuter rail systems) and you're still looking at about a million people on transit. What are the other million (or possibly much more) people going to do? A lot of them will try to drive and then abandon their cars as they get stuck in traffic. Most of these folks won't even get inside the Beltway, but there will be enough stupid people in cars to royally fuck up the bus system. In other words, if you do manage to get on a bus, it will probably end up parked somewhere. Ditto for Metro. When subway cars get overloaded and someone accidentally knocks open some doors, then entire train is shut down. Then nobody moves. For 15 minutes or an hour or whatever. My wife has been stuck in this situation more times than she can recall. So don't trust anything other than your feet. It's about eight miles from my house to the Lincoln Memorial (which is where I expect to be, if we make it). Max, Sam and I walk to Max's school every morning, which amounts to a 2 1/2 or 3 mile round trip, which is no problem for four-year-old Sam. I know Max can do eight miles (with a bit of grumbling), and I know I can carry Sam for four. We'll have a few hours to recover, and if we have to hike home, well, we'll make it. I also know a lot of bus routes I can snag on the way back. But this isn't about me. It's about all the people who want to be here (or simply have to be here) on January 20, folks who will bumble around and make life miserable for the professional DC crowd which seems to be eternally pissed at the (truthfully) oft-smelly tourists. I'm not in that camp. I say welcome. Come on down. Let's have a festival and enjoy ourselves. If the weather's nice, you can join us and play soccer with the beach ball (an item not currently on the prohibited list) that I'll smuggle in for my boys--weather permitting. And if the weather doesn't cooperate, I'll sit in my house, pop an Ale to the Chief and laugh at all the foolish souls who waded into the biggest traffic jam in the history of our nation's capital. Either way, it'll be a good day.
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