The clocks rang midnight a week ago, and it was off to the races. I didn't realize when you said you wanted change, you wanted it right now. I thought there might be some time. Y'know, float some ideas, get a plan together, make some new ads or something.

But you want it now. So soon into the new year. And, apparently, you want it all over and done with quickly, even though we've got time.

My political hangover is killing me this morning. I drank too much of the inevitability wine, and it's coming back to haunt me. I thought we'd been through this. I thought we dotted the x's and crossed the i's. I mean...

You know what I mean. Don't confuse the abused here. I don't want to seem testy, but I thought I'd get a little break after last week. Hair of the dog, please...and make it snappy!

I don't know about you, but doesn't it seem like everyone on the campaign trail is really tired. And those grins or smiles are just a little too desperate for prime time?

But since we're running out of new TV shows (and the awards shows are gonna blow if they even run them at all, since all the winners are staying home and growing beards), we gotta look at these people. And watch the debates every other day. There's not much cheaper in TV than talking talent that shows up for nothing. Reality TV at its best. They don't even have to pay for the jackpot at the end of the amazing race.

Suddenly, though, the field has narrowed. Cut in half for the Democrats. Knocked a couple off the wagon on the Republican side, too.

This is why we play the game, people!

Which reminds me, if inevitability is a loser, the Patriots better watch their ass.

Up is down. Right is left. Cold is hot. On is off.

And no one has started to campaign in my state at all. We have primaries in about a month, and no one has even done a Garcia's green chili drive by.

I thought I was ready for the new year, and here it is kicking my ass. It's like someone absconded me from my own home in the middle of the night and sent me to the loony bin for my own safety. I just need a second. I should put on some underwear, don't you think?

A week ago it was cold and clear. The sun was out, but no one turned on the heat. Now it's cloudy and warm. No rain or snow, but it ain't cold, either.

I'm confused. I'm exasperated. I need an exfoliation.

I'd say, "So this is how it's gonna be," except it won't be. It's just this way today. Tomorrow is a much different story.

And I'm getting old! I'm gonna be 40. Someday. I've been out of school longer than I was ever in. I don't even know where to sign up for the free lunches anymore.

I didn't think I was so much standing still as waiting for the right bus. And now it seems like the bus doesn't even stop here anymore. Maybe it never did.

So if you see me stumbling along the sidewalk, just give me a wave and a smile. I'll make it. I just didn't think the punches would come so quickly. I thought my defense plan was good. I swear I had all the gaps filled.

But here it all is, seeping through the cracks. Bleeding through my shirt. Falling from grace.

I just wanted to know if the milk went bad.

Matt Worley will announce a new fix up the world plan next week.