I started living with Maria eight and a half months ago, when she was four months pregnant with our baby. Not since my days with Mommy Dearest had I lived with a woman. I didn't have to worry about the traditional troubles of the monthly visit or birth control when she moved in, and the second trimester is the best time of the pregnancy. We had a swell honeymoon period.

Something I did not expect occurred from creating a stay-at-home mom, and I don't think it's going to change for years to come. There is this cable channel that I knew very little about. Let's face it, there's a lot of cable channels I know little about, but this one has invaded my life and my time. The channel is called Lifetime.

Many people know Lifetime as the chick channel. It's a channel designed by women, for women, and Maria is pretty much hooked on the thing. It started because she was a "Desperate Housewives" fanatic. Something about suburban housewives and their men getting into all kinds of soap-opera-style shenanigans. Lifetime shows two episodes back-to-back from 10 a.m. to noon every weekday. It also shows sit-coms like "Reba" and "Still Standing." You know, family comedies. And "Frasier" comes on late at night. Basically, Maria can flip on Lifetime most times of the day and get her chick channel fix.

Before you think I'm going to spend this whole column bemoaning the chick channel, let me even out the playing field. As much as she gets to watch the chick channel, I get to watch the channel for men. No, I don't mean Spike TV or The Playboy Channel. I watch that good old fashioned Entertainment and Sports Programming Network that we know as ESPN.

While I have cut back on my sports watching since the baby came around, I still get my fill of football, basketball, baseball, tennis, soccer, etc. I have limited my football watching to the "important" games, basketball watching to teams I "care" about, and baseball to how "lazy" I am, but it still leaves a lot of sports watching on my part. Maria could care less about sports, but she does tolerate a fair amount of sport-a-loons on the tube. I even watch sports with no sound to cut back on annoying announcers and commercials and play music instead, but this annoys her as well. There will be no appeasement.

So there you have it: Women are from Lifetime and Men are from ESPN. Someone should write a book on it. On second thought, this column will be more than enough space to cover the subject.

Does it make us understand each other more by watching each others' channels? Yes and no. Maria has freaky dreams on a regular basis, and I chalk this up to the massive amount of "Desperate Housewives." The over-the-top plot lines can creep into your subconscious quite easily. I confess that from my tertiary viewing of the show that I've had a couple lurid soap-opera dreams myself.

I have taught Maria a few referee signals in football which amused her, but it doesn't seem to have piqued her interest much. She likes baseball the most in so much that she doesn't mind it.

Having a baby means being home a lot more than I used to be, and it also means more TV. I still have my nights with no tube at all. Sometimes it's best to keep the glowing screens at bay, especially if there are no "important" games showing.

Of course, her viewing is not limited to just that Falalala Lifetime, and mine is not just ESPN. Sports can be found on a handful of channels, and fashion and celebrity topics crop up on another handful. Sometimes we even meet in the middle and watch an old movie together. I won't even get into how different our movie viewing tastes are.

We didn't get together because we liked the same programs or movies. We have stayed together because, for some odd reason, we love each other and have a baby girl to prove it. Still, you have to find a way to tolerate all the things that don't match up. She's a woman, and I'm a man. We must both have our entertainment and tolerate each other's choices.

For women, it's Lifetime. For men, it's ESPN. You don't have to like it. You just have to deal with it. One thing is for sure, we're not getting rid of the cable any time soon.

Chris Jungle understands if you only read the "important" columns.