Okay? Okay. I've tried to stay out of it. Thanks California, you really know how to stir up controversy. Being the topical columnist that I am (snicker, snicker), I feel it my duty to say my two cents on something that has nothing to do with me.

Okay? Okay. Here's the deal. Gay people want to get married. They want the state to recognize this marriage, and they want all the legal ties that married people get from the state. California voted recently to ban gay marriage. That's correct, they voted For a ban. That's kind of like voting Against something people are For. It seems backwards to vote For something that is Against. You'd think that they would vote For or Against something that allows, not For or Against something that is Against. Have you ever been Against the Against? Two negatives make a positive, right? It's already confusing. Thanks, California.

Okay? Okay. I do understand the issue. Gays want to be married. Christians & anti-gay people don't want them to "tarnish" the "sanctity" of "marriage" and "family." It's just the next fight Christians pick with the rest of the nation. By the way, Christians. Jesus was a guy in his thirties who hung out with a dozen other guys and one prostitute. Ever wonder which way his urges swung? Or is he just your lord and savior, and that's that? Keep the faith, church boys and girls.

Okay? Okay. Back to Proposition 8. Why 8? Maybe because there were seven more important propositions before this one, but we have no idea what they are. Thanks, California. Gays want to be married. Non-gays are threatened. Come on, pick a side, Jungle. Quit making stupid jibes about it.

Okay? Okay. Here goes. I, Chris Jungle, do hereby solemnly swear that marriage is NOT sacred. Strip away all the pomp and circumstance, the vows and pledges, and standing before God, and the simple fact is that marriages fail HALF of the time. What's sacred about an institution that doesn't even work for a majority of the people who do it? And that's just the heterosexual-claiming-man-woman type of marriage. Allowing more combinations of people to get married won't taint marriage because it's already tainted beyond belief. Allowing gay people to get married just means we are allowing more divorces, and I'm just not in the mood to see that.

Okay? Okay. I do not support Proposition 8, which means I'm against the ban, which means I'm against the against. Who bans things? Fascists, Christians & Nazis. Gay people can get married if they want to, in the eyes of their god and otherwise. I just don't care if the state recognizes their bond. I don't care if Christians and anti-gay people whine "Oh yeah, your marriage isn't really real." I just don't want more marriages and divorces in the legal system. I don't want the law involved. Contradictory? Maybe.

Okay? Okay. I'll give you an example. I smoke marijuana. I've been smoking since I was 19. It's illegal. It's been illegal since before my parents were born. So what? It doesn't enhance or detract from my experience. I don't give two hoots about its prohibitionary law. I don't flaunt my use, but I do it just the same. This should apply to gay marriage. You want to do it, DO IT! Who cares if Uncle Sam and Reverend Pastor Straight approve? Love doesn't need a certificate. Commitment doesn't need a certificate. Come to think of it, marriage is such a personal thing, why does anyone want the state to get involved at all? Oh yeah, lawyers, god and money.

Okay? Okay. I understand very few share my belief. I live with my girlfriend and my baby girl. I am not married, but in my mind, I am doing everything a married man would do. I provide, care for, protect and love my two ladies. For me, this is enough. I would be satisfied going through life without ever telling the state (who doesn't care), God (which one?), or all of my friends and family how committed I am to Maria and Donna Rose. This is not enough. Not for her family, probably not for mine, and not for Maria either. They want that bond, that certificate, that little piece of paper that says we will stay together until death do us part. Even if it only has a fifty percent chance of being true.

Okay? Okay. I will marry my lady some day. Gay people will marry each other. Straight people will continue to marry each other. I really think the state should stay out of it as much as possible. Personally, I think it should be extremely easy for any two people to be able to have a civil union. Two guys, two girls, brother and sister, cousins, man and woman, whatever. They should be easy to get and easy to dissolve. The state should leave the love and hate and god and country out of it. Marriage is personal, but now, it is political. And I'm Against the Against.

Okay? Okay.

Chris Jungle has problems with most institutions.