And people still laugh as much as they ever did, despite their shrunken brains. If a bunch of them are lying around on a beach, and one of them farts, everyone else laughs and laughs, just as people would have done a million years ago.
Kurt Vonnegut, Galapagos

We've all done it. We've let out a fart in crowded public area. It may have silent (and deadly) or it may have been loud and humorous. No matter what, everyone has a reaction to our bodily gas. Men sit around coming up with powerful beer belches during football games, and every time someone farts, we have to smell it before scolding them. It's like we've been doing this stuff since birth.

Well, guess what? We have.

It's a big news flash, I know, but I felt I should remind everyone about it. I have a four-week old girl, and outside of being hungry, most of her consternation and crying has to do with gas. She will be wailing and whining, and you won't know what to do. A few little shakes and pats, and then suddenly TTTFFFTTHHHTH! And you know what I say? Good baby.

Belching and farting don't come easily for babies. They just know when their body is uncomfortable, so they cry. After four weeks, I can say Donna Rose is much better about recognizing her belches and farts than she was at birth, but she still has not mastered the art. You have to relax, young grasshopper, if you want pass gas with the big boys.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at passing gas. Not only are mine entertaining with funny sounds, but they have a smell that made my rock band wince. And I don't even eat much fast food any more. That's stuff's a fart maker's dream.

There is one strange aspect to belches and farts that now puzzles me. Right now, we praise our baby for her gas release. Good baby. That was a big one. You feel better? It's going to be all right now. We're so encouraging and full of praise. Figuring out gas release is a major early step for kids, and we must do whatever we can to help the process. Then suddenly and I'm not exactly sure when (somewhere during toddler time), the belches and farts become taboo, inappropriate and rude.

Good baby turns into excuse you's and admonitions. Why? Once we actually figure out how to belch and fart without bursting into tears, we are suddenly supposed to repress our gas until it is appropriate for everyone else. I remember sitting in school, slowly releasing gas, so no one would notice. I recall the first few dates with girls (including Maria) repressing my farts until it was downright painful. Then I would find a moment alone and let out a devilish amount of gas.

Obviously, I know we can't go around belching and farting at will ("South Park" did an episode about that), but really, I think we can handle a little more gas than what is now socially acceptable. Like Vonnegut says, farts are funny. The beans scene in Blazing Saddles is still hilarious. Throw a fart joke in any conversation, and it's almost guaranteed to get a chuckle. We all pass gas from the moment we're born. We can all relate to it. And we will do it until the day we die.

I used to go sweats with new age folks, and the healer would always say it was good and actually encouraged to spit, belch and fart. You are getting the bad out of you. Let it go. In a good way.

The passing of gas by my daughter (and apparently she has inherited her father's amusing loud ones) has taught me something. I'm not going to be so ashamed about my loud stinky farts any more. I'll still put a hand over my mouth when I burp, but I will let the belches ring loud and true. We all feel better after we do it, and if it comes with a few cackles from others, so it goes. We've been laughing at our farts for millions of years.

So let 'em loose, let 'em rip, let 'em fly. It's time for society to accept our gas release without complaint. If you fart too much, maybe you should think about what you're eating, but really, eating veggies make stinky farts too. I'll accept your gas if I'm close to you. Just don't be surprised if you let out a particularly loud one, I might pat you on the back and say "Good Baby."

Chris Jungle is going back to the basics.