When you get down to it, what does it matter?

Maybe it's the dog days. Maybe it's the odd sleeping hours I'm getting. Maybe it's the absence of tokes due to an imminent drug test. Maybe it's the daily Zen quotes I have in a tear off calendar. Maybe it's the baby. Maybe it's the lack of sex while my lady heals. Maybe it's the cab. Maybe it's me. For some reason, nothing feels exciting right now.

There's the Democratic ticket. Obama/Biden sounds good to me. I always liked the way Joe Biden talked. Much more like a guy than a politician. Honestly, Obama could have picked Paris Hilton as his running mate as the celebrity ticket, and I would still vote for him. I don't mind McCain, I just hate the evil doers who back him. Change is coming, one way or another. I'm just not excited about it.

Believe it or not, but I was up for the last three quarters of the gold medal basketball game early this morning, thanks to baby. It was a highly competitive game, as Spain refused to go down easy against the highly touted USA team. I just kept thinking, the US has the best basketball players in the world, and they still have issues closing the deal. In the end, the US hit the big shots, and my national pride was satiated. I went to bed around 2:30 a.m. I wasn't excited or content. Just relieved.

Football season is coming. All that testosterone is brewing, right? Ready to knock heads, kick ass, and take names. Not really. It might kick in once the games mean something, but it feels like everyone is going through the motions. I have a suspicion that my team will be out of playoff contention by October. Sigh.

My theatre board had a little retreat yesterday. This meant they brought in a facilitator to figure out what we (as a group) wanted to accomplish for the next year. We wrote things down on paper, eliminated the redundant choices, and in the end, we decided the theatre should do bolder plays with improved production value. Wow. I'm not sure I needed to sit through three hours to come to that conclusion. We went around the room at the end, and we all said nice things, and many said they were inspired by the process. I said my nice things to be polite, but really, I didn't feel any inspiration. I didn't feel anything. Pretty much numb. So much for art.

Last weekend, I saw my brother's band play at a local club. They are a good four piece rock band, with a few fun miscellaneous instruments added to the guitar, bass, drums feel. I hadn't hung out in the rock n' roll scene in a few months, and I noticed that pretty much everyone was very concerned with their look and attitude. Not so much the music. Just the scene. I didn't care too much about my look or attitude or the people with looks and attitude. Bottom line, I didn't care too much. It was nice to my brother play drums, though.

My Zen quote for the day is this:

For a deed to be totally pure, it must be done without any thought of reward, whether worldly or divine.

Thich Thien-An said that.

Yeah, they're pretty much all like that. Usually one out of five quotes has an impact on me, albeit mild. The Zen model is pretty much don't do things for praise or reward, don't force things, go with the flow of Nature. All pretty good lessons, but it really lack passion or excitement. Such things are not Zen.

Well, I'm feeling pretty Zen these days, sans the contentment. My ego is shriveling up. I look at my list of accomplishments, and I think 'So what?' 'Who cares?' 'Big deal!' I can see people's blind egocentric motives, and I think the same phrases. Save a few fits of moodiness, I'm pretty much without desires or inspiration right now. Just duty, obligation and subsistence. Is this good? Is this the way? Is it just a phase or the coming of Labor Day?

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe tomorrow's quote will let me know. Until then, we will continue to continue.

Chris Jungle perseveres.