All right, America. We all had our Independence Day. We did the fireworks & barbecues & baseball games & camping trips & apple pie & saluting of the flag. We're all pretty patriotic when we get down to it. We love our country or ourselves (who live in this country). But it's now time to look in the mirror.

I spent my hard-earned money on gasoline and fireworks on July 4th. God bless America. But what are we proud of anymore?

It's probably best to start with what we have been good at in the past. We could build cars (Toyota is now #1). We could fight & win wars (Vietnam & Iraq aren't exactly wins). We can make movies (the best and worst in the world). We can go to the moon (but we don't). We can get the most gold medals at the Olympics (thanks to modern medicine).

I'm serious. These days, all I hear is a bunch of talking shit. We talk shit about other countries. We talk shit about the economy and gas prices. We talk shit about celebrities and politicians and pretty much anyone. People talk so much shit that they don't see it or smell it or even think it tastes bad to have that bile come out of their mouths. And I'm not talking about swearing and cursing. I'm talking about this 'I'm right, you're wrong mentality.'

What was the best accomplishment this nation has had this year? Think quick-- the year is half over.

I think the thing we're best at is probably just being free. Not in a hippy 'free love' kind of way. It's that we are allowed to go in so many directions, explore so many options, choose from numerous different paths, succeed and fail at an abundance of opportunities, that we're so busy trying to keep up with the present that we have no clue how unimpressive the whole system is. If we could just find our niche is this gigantic rigamarole, we won't worry about whether it's good or not.

Hmmmm, slavery is not mandatory these days. It's completely voluntary.

I myself have selected the baby path. I will be a slave to the little girl I helped conceive. I'm still not buying it as part of the American Dream, but I made that choice nonetheless. I still see my bachelor friends every now and again, and I don't really envy them. It seems like no matter which way you go, there are demons to confront.

So maybe I asked the question the wrong way at the beginning of this column. I shouldn't be asking AMERICA what's up, as if we're all part of this groupthink machine that can fix the path we're following. Maybe it is just a few hundred million individuals making individual decisions in this basic capitalist system we created long long ago.

Is United We Stand a good saying? The last time we all stood together, we started two wars in which we are still heavily involved. Step away from the unity, America.

Maybe it is best that we all go are separate ways in this big land. You can be single or married, gay or straight, Republican or Democrat, flag waving or dissenting, urban or rural, drunk or sober, religious or atheist, meat lover or vegetarian, rich or poor, loud or quiet, smart or dumb, tall or short, active or reclusive, fat or thin, whatever or whatever.

So what are WE good at, America? We're good at whatever. Or whatever.

Off we go into the second half of 2008. Everyone doing their own thing. Together. In this country. Which allows us to do whatever.

Come to think of it, that might be pretty close to what the forefathers wanted. Weird.

Chris Jungle excels at whatever but is not so good at whatever else.