"We live in historic times..." so sayeth our genius President.

Apparently, America made history this week when Barack Obama won the Democratic nomination for president by exceeding the amount of delegates needed. News channels had to point out the amazing history of it every 30 seconds on Tuesday. Let's face it, folks. We make history every freaking day. Examples:

Every time the price of gas goes up these days: history!

Every time a soldier dies in Iraq: they are history!

Every date on the calendar: history!

I knocked up my girlfriend: history!

Our half-breed baby girl (a.k.a. cin-a-bun) is due in ten weeks: more history!

The Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup: hockey history!

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue: controversial history!

Hilary Clinton receives over 18 million primary votes and still loses: loser history!

Everything in every history book ever made: historical history!

People who get back together: they had a history!

The Lakers and Celtics are in the NBA finals for the 11th time together: basketball history!

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.": I'm quoting history!

What did Socrates say when he died?: Who cares? That's ancient history!

What did my dad get his doctorate degree in?: History!

The War To End All Wars, Prohibition & The Great Depression: all part of history!

Mary Lou Retton's 10.0 in the Olympics: gymnastics history!

The East Indian food I consumed last night: history!

Lindbergh's flight across the Atlantic: glorious history!

Limburgh's kidnapped child who ended up dead: tragic history!

The Steroid Years: baseball history!

The Bubonic Plague, Small Pox, and Polio: disease history!

Everything column I've written: insignificant history!

Spider Man 3: box office history!

Big Brown's chances at the Triple Crown: now history!

Everything that you have done in your life: personal history!

Does everyone get the point I'm trying to make because I hate to sound in-gracious about these wonderful historic times we apparently have just begun living in, and I think having a black president is long overdue, and forgive me if I run-on this sentence like I've had no grammatical history, but don't you think that every moment of human history is taken a bit too seriously when we don't even remember the history well enough a few weeks later to learn from it, and I've been around long enough to experience quite a bit of history, and yet when I bring up the bits and pieces that I do recall that seem pertinent, people tell me that what I'm thinking about happened a long time ago and this is a completely different history that is being made, and isn't great to be alive to witness it?

Sure, it's great. It's all so very important. Stay tuned for more history!

Chris Jungle received the Government Award at his junior high for making straight A's in all his history classes: A historical award for history!