Parents are often judged by the actions of their children.

This isn't fair, to be sure. Some kids really are bad seeds. My three-year-old son Sam spent most of the day today saying, "I don't want a daddy. You should be dead. Go be dead and I won't have a daddy." He said this with the giggle of the patricidal.

Bad seeds, man. Can't do anything about them.

Run-of-the-mill assholes, though, probably don't fall too far from the tree.

Just this week, Rudy Giuliani's son Andrew filed suit against Duke University because he was kicked off the golf team.

This is the same kid who created a stir back in 1994 by goofing around on the podium at Giuliani's first inauguration as mayor of New York City.

"Wasn't Rudy in favor of tort reform?" my wife asked.

Sure, unless we're talking about his kid playing golf. Then it's fire up the lawyers and damn the Dookies.

Both father and son have plenty of room to grow up.

Also this week, the son of Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid got sentenced to two years in rehab. He was convicted in May of trying to smuggle pills into the jail where he was to serve a sentence for a car crash caused by heroin addlement. Like any upright citizen, he tried to hide 88 pills in his colon when he checked in to prison. Guess he forgot about the "spread 'em" part of the search. He's not just a fuckup. He's a stupid fuckup.

But this got me thinking. Conservatives are laissez-faire types. It kinda makes sense that they'd indulge their kids and not rein them in. This whole notion of the tree-hugger hippies letting their kids wander the streets naked? Doesn't really exist. But the children (sons, in particular) of conservative politicians and football coaches?

The list of failures is long and distinguished.

And lest you laugh at my inclusion of football coaches, remember that these guys, with the possible exception of Dick Vermeil, seem to see themselves as the last vanguard of truth and the American way. They are the anti-NASCAR. They only make right turns.

On the other hand, the kids of liberal politicians generally turn out alright. For a long time, the comparison between Chelsea Clinton and the Bush twins was no contest. Chelsea walked away with top marks.

Lately, it does seem that Jenna Bush has been working overtime to reform her image. She wrote a book that is actually pretty good, and she's working in the Baltimore school system. That's probably more impressive than Chelsea's investment banker gig. Jenna's sister Barbara, however, seems to revel in being a dilettante, flying around the world, getting smashed, losing her purse and passport...you name it. But there are worse things than being idly rich. Suing to get back on the golf team comes to mind.

So what about the Obamas? How are they raising their girls? Also this week, we learned that Barack and Michelle Obama don't give their daughters presents. No Christmas presents--though they do use Santa as a proxy. No birthday presents. Just massive slumber parties.

This seemingly Scrooge-like behavior is actually much less regulatory than the common birthday party invite that I receive here in Takoma Park. We are the land of the "no presents, please" party, a place where parents don't trust their friends to get their own children to refrain from giving video games, Barney DVDs or the latest CD from Hannah Miley Montana Cyrus. There's always the "we've got so much already" comment (undeniably true), but I'm thinking some of these folks don't want to stand up to their kids and say "I don't care if you got it. You ain't gonna have it."

Me? I have no problem doing such a thing, though I haven't had to face that particular problem with presents. Reality can make a hash of theory in the blink of an eye. Especially when one is making a stand of principle by throwing a "Jay Jay the Jet Plane" DVD on the pyre.

And really, which is more embarrassing? Watching your child recite chapter and verse of "The Wonder Pets Save the Beetles," or listening to a parent whine and kvetch about how awful it is that so-and-so lets their kid watch TV. "She's only thirteen! That stuff is going to rot her mind!"

It's not about how much TV kids watch, or how much bad music kids hear or how many masochistic, misogynistic and just plain misanthropic comic books kids read. It's about kids understanding that when they fuck up, they go into time out. They won't like it, but they will slowly acquire a sense of themselves in the world. And a sense that they aren't, in fact, better than everyone else in the world.

So maybe, just maybe, when they go off to college and manage to lose their spot on the golf team, they don't come whining to Mommy and Daddy and get their loser parents to file a lawsuit.

You know, sometimes it's only too fair to judge parents by the actions of their kids.

Jon Worley doesn't particularly like golf or assholes.