"The vast, vast majority of us are not a threat to public safety."
Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley, speaking this week to the Washington Post in response to a question about the surveillance and infiltration of anti-war groups and death penalty opponents by the administration of his predecessor, Robert Ehrlich.

"So, how was the Takoma Park gig last week?"

"Those peace freaks are so cute. They stood in line quietly and waited for their turn to stand up in the gazebo and scream until their hearts bled."

"Intense."

"Not really. Though there was one kinda scary moment when Obuszewski asked me why I was typing on my laptop."

"What'd you say?"

"I just said I was catching up on my work."

"Wow...you weren't even lying. But I can't believe you took notes on your state police laptop at the event itself."

"Roger, hippies trust you. It's like they don't live in the real world. You tell them something and they just believe it. You tell them you want to join and they let you. They tell you all of their secrets right up front. It's easy. Best of all, they're not doing anything illegal, so I don't have to bust them."

"But that's our job, Lucy."

"Our job is to bust bad guys, not folks screaming bad poetry in a public place. There's nothing illegal about mangling verse."

"Maybe there oughta be."

"Maybe."

"I still can't believe you just boot up at the meetings. When I'm at the mosque, they do everything except check to see if I'm circumcised."

"Isn't this the mosque that's had ten bomb threats this year?"

"They're phoning in their own threats."

"You think?"

"Lucy, you're so gullible. You can't even understand that those hippies you're supposed to be busting might actually end up turning real Americans against the war. It's best to put them away now."

"Shut the fuck up, Roger. You're not funny. And you don't believe any of that, or you would have locked up that mosque by now."

"Naw, I was just bullshittin'. But there are people up the ladder who buy into that crap. Ed says he thinks the governor got all this going."

"Wouldn't surprise me. You think we're doing the right thing?"

"As long as we're not putting innocent people in jail, we're doing the right thing. As long as we actually stop an attack, we're doing the right thing."

"But why aren't we watching some of those crazy anti-abortion groups? Or the NRA types? Seems like we're watching folks from one side of the aisle."

"Muslims aren't liberal. Not any more than anyone else. They just believe that Jesus was a prophet and not the son of God. Those folks love America despite everything. And because they're a little bit different, we're buzzing around their heads waiting for just the right moment to strike."

"This sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. But it beats staking out drug dealers. That's boring, except for the part where you could get shot."

Yeah. I'll take hippies every time. And I get to drink wine on duty."

"You drink on the job?"

"If I didn't, they'd know I was a narc."

"Damn. If they don't hold a kegger at the mosque soon, I'm gonna request a transfer to the peaceniks."

"Good luck with that."

"The beer or the transfer?"

"See you, Roger. Keep safe."

Jon Worley occasionally has delusions that he might be on some federal watch list.