"Thabo, baby! How's it going?"

"Bobby. What the hell are you doing?"

"Winning elections. I don't understand why you want to step down. It's far too much fun on top."

"You didn't win an election, Bobby. You didn't even steal it."

"Of course I did. I got the most votes."

"Bobby. Really. Just get the hell out. Most of the folks who voted for you did so while looking down the barrel of a gun."

"There's something wrong with that?"

"Bobby, you know that Democracy is about the rule of the people."

"Did we have the rule of the people before 1980? Did those apartheid bastards let us vote?"

"No. And don't get all high and mighty with me, Bobby. You were running Zimbabwe for years before we won our own battle. And you've turned the richest country in Africa into a dust bowl."

"That's harsh, baby."

"We go way back, Bobby. Way, way back. I've tried to keep folks off your back, but you're just not helping your cause."

"My cause is the people of Zimbabwe."

"You know, if you'd been a better steward of the country, you could have pulled a Putin and stuck around to pull the strings. He was smart enough to exploit his country's untapped wealth. Zimbabwe used to be the breadbasket of Africa. Now those farms have disappeared."

"I gave those farms back to the people. I reversed the effects of a hundred years of white devil rule."

"You've destroyed your country. You've made many of your black countrymen start pining for the bad old days. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

"Who's saying such things? Those ungrateful bastards must pay!"

"Bobby, that's not how democracy works."

"Then maybe democracy is no good."

"It can't be worse than what's happening right now."

"Thabo, baby, where's the love?"

"My people feel we can no longer stand by while you destroy our brothers and sisters. I've held your back for far too long. It's time for you to go."

"Well...I am eighty-four. I suppose retirement is an option. Are there any apartments available at Sun City?"

"Bobby..."

"I'm serious. You think I can retire in Zimbabwe? Have you seen the riots around Harare lately? Scares the hell out of me, I gotta tell you."

"Bobby..."

"Listen, it's Sun City or nothing. If you want me to get out, then you'll get me a pad way up in one of them casinos. I hear Pink is playing there soon."

"A hero of Africa retiring to Sun City? What would Biko think?"

"Biko's dead. This lion wants to retire in style. So what do you say?"

"I'll see what I can do. And Bobby?"

"Yes?"

"How about you lay off the murders for a few days. Just to make things easier for me."

"Infidels must be punished. You know that, Thabo."

"How about if we can get a stack of chips thrown your way?"

"Ten million American dollars. No, check that. Ten million Euros. The dollar is in the tank. You get that confirmed and I'll call off the dogs."

"What happened, Bobby? Why did it have to come to this?"

"I'm a weak man, Thabo. I'm not ashamed to admit it. But I've worked my whole life for this moment, and I'm not going to piss it away. You know the terms. Get back to me when the Euros are prepped."

"Alright, Bobby. I'll see what I can do."

"Stay strong, brother."

"Whatever, man."

Jon Worley is all in favor of retiring dictators--as long as they actually retire.