The New York Times reported this week that John McCain met frequently and often with a young (then 31 or 32) lobbyist and may--or may not--have had an inappropriate relationship with her. He's denied the "inappropriate" part of the story. But there yet may come a day when he'll be forced to make this speech.

My friends.

Oh, my friends.

There are times that try men's souls, and then there are times that try other things. I've been reluctant to speak freely about this, but now is the time for straight talk. It's time to get into the nitty gritty.

Since coming back from Vietnam, I have had difficulty with, to be frank, sexual matters. Those Viet Cong did a number on my mojo, and the result was that I simply couldn't do what most men my age could. It was painful and humiliating. There have been lots of stories written about the external wounds of soldiers, but as any soldier at Walter Reed will tell you, the ones you can't see are the ones that hurt the worst.

My wife, Cindy, took a leap of faith when we got married. This was a couple decades before Viagra, remember. To tell the truth, this was the least of her worries, but I'm still constantly amazed that she undertook a marriage to a still-recovering ex-prisoner of war. Her love is the one thing that has helped to make me the man who stand before you today.

We were able to have children, as you know, but it wasn't easy. I won't go into further details, as they will no doubt embarrass my family. There are things that even presidential candidates ought keep private, despite the seductive whispers of the press.

Unfortunately, the arrival of Viagra led to new temptations in my life. And I'm sorry to say that I did not resist all the temptations I should have resisted. In becoming the man I desperately wanted to be, I failed to be the man I should have been.

My wife Cindy is standing beside me today, as she has every day since we married nearly twenty-eight years ago. She knows all there is to know about me, and she has once again proven her superior strength by being willing to share this public humiliation which should be mine alone.

My friends, the most painful part of this experience has been the notion that any relationship I had with anyone influenced my actions as senator. Nothing could be further from the truth. Let me be clear: There were no quid pro quos for quickies. I am ashamed of my failures as a husband, but I stand by my record as a senator.

There are those who will find these indiscretions troubling, as nearly everyone should. I know I did and do. I can tell you that I am no longer taking Viagra or any other E.D. drug. I've kicked the habit cold turkey. I am, once again, a man who is able to make his wife proud.

For those of you who find that you cannot vote for a sinner like me, I can only tell you that I understand. But as you know, this election is about more than my past indiscretions. It's about taxes, health care and the war. It's about experience versus rhetoric. It's about action rather than promises.

And, my friends, I know all that about that choice first hand. It'll get you every time.

Jon Worley is in favor of quids pro quo for quickies.