Last week, at long last, the National Enquirer attributed the problems of ex-hottie Britney Spears to a crystal meth addiction. Finally, news we can use.

On a personal note, though, Crystal meth is a tough nut for the drug legalization corps to rationalize. It's highly addictive and it quickly destroys the memory capacity of the brain and, if used often enough, starts to tear up the nervous system as well. To my mind, meth makes heroin look like vitamins.

For the record, I think there should be no criminal penalty for the possession of any drug, prescription or otherwise. I know few people would follow me to the existential limits of Libertarianism on this one, but whatever. It's what I believe. I can live with regulating the distribution to a certain extent, but the drugs themselves ought to be legal to possess.

Nonetheless, crystal meth is a vicious little beast. I'm not saying this because I have any real sympathy for Britney or her family. I don't. I don't feel bad for any rich and famous person who does something stupid. George Michael isn't stupid for being gay, but I think it's fair to be charged with lewd behavior if you get caught having sex (straight, gay or otherwise) in a public place. That's kinda what makes having sex in public so exciting, isn't it? Sometimes you gotta pay the piper.

I'm not big into good or evil, either, but crystal meth is evil. Its high is fleeting, and its crash is incomprehensible. Kinda like supercrack, except a lot meaner.

Truth be told, I'm not an expert on this subject. My brother, Mr. Jungle, wrote a senior thesis on methamphetamine (the "meth" part of crystal meth). He's an expert. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's noxious stuff, too.

Actually, most people think it's bad. Meth is the only drug who eradication is enshrined in the Patriot Act. In case you don't remember, the reason you have to ask the pharmacist for real Sudafed is because someone dropped a provision into the Patriot Act that requires the registration of all purchases of products containing pseudoephedrine (which can be used to make meth) and limits the amount a person can buy in any given month. The law is a breach of civil rights, it has screwed up my allergy season regimen and, most importantly, it hasn't done a damned thing to stem the growth of crystal meth use. Just ask Britney.

We are starting to address some of the dumbest aspects of our drug laws. New York drastically cut state penalties for drug possession. Folks convicted of crack cocaine possession no longer face massively longer sentences than those convicted of cocaine powder possession. Pot possession (small amounts, anyway) has been unofficially decriminalized in many large cities. The cops just don't have the time to lock someone up for smoking a joint.

There are advantages to decriminalizing drug possession. For starters, our prisons would empty out. States would have far fewer inmates under their care, and less money would be needed. Companies like Kraft and others would decry the dismantling of the prison-industrial complex, but fuck them. They're greedy bastards making money off the backs of people too poor to afford a lawyer who gives a shit.

Then again, there's crystal meth. And number of other nasty drugs as well, but meth is the one in the headlines these days because it is apparently the madness behind the glassy-eyed stare that has been gracing the supermarket tabs for, geez, years. Bad bad stuff, indeed.

Nevertheless, we need to decide whether we want to send people to jail or to treatment. With the exception of Robert Downey, Jr. and a few other truly pathetic folks, celebrities are usually able to trundle themselves off to rehab before the cops show up at the door. Hunter Thompson, Keith Richards and other drug celebrants (if you've got a better term, let me know) manage (or managed) to get by with minimal harassment from the man. Even "poor Brit" hasn't been busted--for drugs, anyway.

I hope she gets some help. In fact, I'm glad she's in rehab rather than jail. But past that fleeting thought, I just don't care.

Well, that's not quite true. The legalization movement slips backward every time her vacant eyes grace the checkout stands. I see people glancing at the magazine racks and tut-tutting. I imagine their response to legalization would be, "We just can't let people use those drugs. It's wrong."

Except, of course, people use illegal drugs without permission. All the time. Every day. And while most folks suffer few, if any, consequences from their illegal drug use, some folks completely fuck up their lives. Does throwing a junkie in jail do the idiot any good? Perhaps. Maybe said junkie will clean up in the can. It's possible.

More likely, however, the junkie will get a better shot at cleaning up in treatment. And maybe Britney's eyes can sharpen up after her stay. Though no rehab stint is going to help her singing. She'll have to pray for that kind of assisstance.

Jon Worley has heard tell that Brit's 16-year-old sister is pregnant. He thinks that perhaps Brit's problems are genetic and not drug-induced.