It's official. Nothing is good for you. Everything causes cancer. Super Bug is coming! E coli is the new seasoning for beef & frozen pizzas & lettuce at Taco Bell & so on & so forth. We're all gonna die and it will be our own fault. With the war machine going full tilt in this country (hey, what if we attacked Iran?), it's about time we awoke another horseman of the Apocalypse: Pestilence.

There is one phrase that sticks with me from the movie version of Fast Food Nation: There is shit in the meat, little microscopic pieces of shit. The reply from the meat man was to 'cook the meat.' If you just cook the meat, everything will be fine.

Well folks, there is shit in the meat, literally & figuratively. Cow shit in the cow meat, pig shit in the pig meat, and chicken shit in the chicken meat. There are apparently little tiny bugs and pesticides in our meats and vegetables. That's right, we poison ourselves to feed ourselves.

We spend billions trying to find cures for deadly viruses like AIDS and diseases like cancer, but we don't realize it's what we do before we get these nasty deadly beasts that causes them. Maybe if guys didn't stick their dicks into everything & women didn't open up their holes to every prick, that alteration in behavior might fight AIDS better than any drug. Maybe if we didn't live by massive power lines, eat foods with massive chemicals, & breathe in air with massive smog, the cancer rate might go down substantially. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

We worry about how mad cows get into this country more than how the cows became mad in the first place.

We blame are disasters, diseases and deaths on homosexuality, God's wrath & the boogyman.

The price of gas has more than doubled in five years, and yet we still have not even begun to alter our fuel consumption or come up with a viable alternative. Light sweet crude creeps up toward $100 a barrel, and it's not even good for us.

Now the kids are starting to get the Super Bug. I don't even know what that means other than it's some sort of staph infection. Parents and school officials are pointing fingers, but I think they know as much as I do about what is really going on.

Don't eat the brown food, or you'll have a really bad trip. Well, you know what? Once you stir up the food enough, it all turns brown.

Why does this happen? The word is capitalism. The reason is the bottom line. Create the most amount of product for the least amount of money to sell at a rate which creates a sizable profit. Pesticides may be deadly, but they kill those pesky bugs and increase the crop. Intestinal crap might get into the meat, but you've got to keep the line moving to turn a better profit. Gas may be polluting the air, but that's what cars run on. That's how Detroit makes them, and there's nothing we can do about it. Right?

I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I've eaten organic food, and it is a little tastier and more expensive. I go green in few ways but neglect it in others. I drive a cab for a living, so I'm doing my share of polluting to make a buck. I like to eat meat. I like to eat vegetables. I've tried not eating anything, but that's not healthy either.

I'm not touting some socialist agenda, mainly because I don't like most people except for entertainment purposes. It just seems like we should be taking better care of each other. If you want medicine, you have to pay for it, either with insurance or outrages fees. If you want cleaner healthier food, you have to pay for it. If you want cleaner air, move to the country. You practically have to run away from modern society to stay healthy. Not exactly a socialist message.

So that's it. We're killing ourselves in the name of profit, in the name of the status quo, in the name of capitalism. Maybe if we just had more public service announcements saying 'Don't eat the brown food,' then maybe we'll change everyone's harmful ways.

Maybe not.

Chris Jungle has shit in his columns.