I just counted. I have 24 plants in my house. Eight are spider plants, five are aloe plants and some are succulents I can't name. There's a rubber tree, some other kind of tree, and a little cactus. I don't do research on them. Some I've had since my college days, some I acquired quite recently when my cousin had a yard sale at my place and left me about six plants. If there is a window sill in my place, it probably has some potted green things on it. The foyer near the front door is filled with different plants.

How did it get this way? I'm not a farmer, agriculturalist, or gardener. My yard has an agave plant, a cactus and some other thing I can't name. And there's the wisteria, honeysuckle and grape vines that were already here when I moved in. I don't do much maintenance on anything, but most things haven't died either.

There are no pets in my place. Plants & animals rarely live in harmony. Since my roommate is allergic to animal hair, plants became the practical thing to care for, but I really don't try very hard. When my grandmother spider plant begins to wilt badly, it serves as a reminder to water them all. In the summer, I water once or twice a week, and in the winter, it's usually less than once a week. Occasionally when I feel they need a kick, I'll slip in some Miracle Grow. That's about it. Not much green thumb going on, just consistency.

I used to give plants away, especially spider plants. They are very easy to maintain and have plenty of offspring for their own transplants. The only problem came when I would go to these people's houses later and see the spider plant I gave them barely hanging on, neglected and depressed. I once gave my roommate a spider plant to take with him to work. He brought it back when he quit the job, and it looked near death. He blamed the lack of sunlight, and I asked him if he watered it. He insisted he did, sort of. I took the plant back, put it on the western facing window sill, fed it some water, and it perked up to a healthy happy look within a couple weeks. Tah dah! I have since stopped giving my plants away. It's like sending them to a life of cruelty.

I have been known to smoke a plant on a regular basis. The fact that it is illegal to smoke a plant is pretty absurd. It grows in the ground, doesn't cause any irreparable damage when you consume it and can be grown any many places around the globe. Man-made controls seem utterly preposterous when they are worried about consuming a plant. Beware of the green weed! Fear the effects of plants! The plants are alive!

There was even a time I grew my own "illegal" plants, thinking of myself as some home grown supplier to myself. It actually took more effort than I wanted. I had to get a lighting kit, come up with a watering system, combat bugs, and decide how to groom and harvest. Like I said before, I'm not a farmer, agriculturalist or gardener. I'm just a guy who likes plants. I grew a few dozen of the forbidden plants over a few years, but it was tedious. Now I'm back to watering my sunlit plants and purchasing my black market plants from the black market.

So here I am with my 24 plants. In some places, overcrowding has occurred. One of the spider plants usurped a spot in one of the succulents, but they both still grow. Now they are united in some bastard proximity connection. My rubber tree is taller than me and pushing the other tree around. There's the vine thingy that never can support more than four feet in any direction, but it never dies either. I pull off dead leaves once or twice a year but do very little as far pruning or trimming. It's my tiny jungle in the desert, and I don't work very hard to maintain it.

There is something soothing about all the plants. Maybe it's the oxygen they pump out, maybe it's the green in a town of brown, maybe it's just the little life surrounding me. I have 24 plants, and I'm just about at maximum capacity. Only my roommate has window sill space, and I already know what happens when plants are in his care.

24 plants. Some I have had for fifteen years, some I have had for a month. I don't try very hard but they continue to live around me. I don't complain about my 24 plants, and they don't complain about me. It's a pretty easy relationship if I think about it, but I rarely do. We just keep going, my plants and me. Easy.

Chris Jungle has a flesh-colored thumb.