When in doubt, say a little bit about a lot.

Oh, O.J. Oh, O.J. You know they got Al Capone for tax evasion, they can certainly get you for stealing your own stuff. What are you doing hanging out in Vegas casinos for anyways? Even Michael Jackson had enough sense to leave the country. Johnny Cochran is now dead. Good luck on fooling everyone twice.

White kids beat up black kids in Jena, Louisiana, so black kids beat up white kids in Jena, Louisiana. White kids go free, black kids get thrown in jail. We've come a long way, America. In the olden days in Louisiana, they would have just hung somebody and been done with it.

Fewer than 50 percent of late 1970s marriages made it to their 25th anniversaries. I know that includes widows and widowers, but jeez, shouldn't you lose your heaven privileges for breaking the big vows before your God? At least the American legal system punishes people by making them pay lawyer fees for quitting on a marriage.

Then, of course, there's the Jeffs case in Utah where the leader of a polygamous sect coerced a 14 year old girl to marry her cousin. With the marriage success rate being what it is, maybe they think if you marry a bunch of girls, one is bound to last. Think of it as an audition. You know, like Katie Holmes had to do with Tom Cruise.

A promising experimental AIDS vaccine failed to work on a large international group. Send more money. Oh yeah, cancer still kills too. Send more money. Diabetes is the new herpes. Send more money. Instead of trying to cure the dying so much, can't we learn how to change our lifestyles and habits to where these killers don't occur so much?

The Senate passed a bill to devote one billion dollars during the next five years to combat street gangs and protect witnesses of gang violence. It also establishes new federal crimes to cover gang recruitment and gang related crimes. So let me get this straight, gangs are bad and illegal. $200 million a year should take care of that, right? Finally, the police have the authority to arrest gang members. Um, do you ever think our government is spinning their wheels?

Major General Joseph Fil said 8.2 percent of Baghdad's 474 neighborhoods are now in what the U.S. military calls "retain" phase, meaning security is being maintained by Iraqi forces with U.S. troops in a reserved role. That is only slightly up from 7 percent when Fil told reporters where it stood in late June. Um, do ever think our military is spinning their wheels?

Iran paraded around a large amount of missiles and other weapons aimed at showing off the country's military might. Hey, wasn't their another country that used to do that? Oh yeah, it was the old Soviet Union. For some reason, showing off your weapons reminds me of guys comparing their penis size in the locker room shower. I don't know why.

The Do Not Call registries will begin to expire next year, and people will have to reregister to be kept on the list. I think it would be better if we all vow not to buy anything, donate anything, or agree to do anything with anonymous strangers over the phone. Maybe all these tele-marketers will really get the hint.

As you can see, there are a lot of issues going on in the world right now, and none of them seem worthy of real debate or contemplation. One-liners do the job. Basically, humanity is still full of a bunch of idiocy, racism, bad choices, sexism, throwing money at problems, poor strategy, attention seeking behavior, and harassment.

You'd think that by now, humanity would have gotten beyond this stuff, but it hasn't. In fact, we eat it up every time it occurs. We encourage the smorgasbord because we like a lot of variety on our plate. Unfortunately, our eyes are bigger than our stomachs, and it won't be long before we have to purge what we binged. See you at the toilet.

Chris Jungle is full of it.