6.17.07
Machine stomp
a technophobe SUIT column by Chris Jungle

Let's face it. They are everywhere. They are part of almost everything we do, and they aren't even alive. They are the machines, and they are taking over.

You start your day by looking at the clock machine. Maybe it's old fashioned. Maybe it's modern. Maybe it's a watch. Make coffee in the coffee machine. Drive to work or run errands in the car machine. All these things seem normal. All these things seem safe.

You have seen advertisements about using check cards instead of cash, so you change your style. It is quicker than paying cash. Just a beep and a transaction is made. It seems so safe. Suddenly, you are in the system. Buying that Starbucks coffee with the check card records where you were at what time. You are marked just for buying a cup of coffee. The machines are tracking you, and they aren't even alive.

My town has invested in deliberate Big Brother tactics in the past two years. At many prominent intersections, the city has installed cameras that take pictures of people going through red lights. People began using a reflective spray that would create a glare when a camera flashed in the license plate area. At first, the police said those sprays didn't work and were a waste of money. Now, they have changed their tune and say they work and are illegal. First, they lie. Then, they punish. All in an effort to make the machines work properly. Who's working for whom?

Department stores are loaded with cameras. Their merchandise is full of little chips. Your credit card purchases are recorded. Smile. Sign at the bottom. Thank you. Come again.

What's the big deal? You have nothing to hide. You haven't done anything wrong. It's all in the name of safety. God Bless America. You may think you're safe from the Gestapo squad until there's no one left when they come for you.

It's already in place. It already works to near perfection. They don't make you take your clothes off at the airport because they think you're a terrorist. The machines detect weapons just fine. They do it to see if you will comply with whatever they say. If you don't want to comply, you will miss you flight. Freedom isn't free. These days, freedom isn't even freedom. These days, freedom is dumb.

My cousin is trying to get a job for the Forest Service, and she has to get fingerprinted to even be considered for the job. In the old days, arrested criminals got fingerprinted. These days, job applicants get fingerprinted. Fill this out in triplicate, sign here & here & here. We have to get you in the system. We have to run a background check. We have to give you a drug test. We have to look through all your records. Is it true that you purchased a Starbucks coffee two weeks ago in the subversive side of town? What were you doing there? Did you speak to anyone who looked like a terrorist? You are not in trouble, but if you could name some names, we would make sure you have no trouble. This time.

It used to be you had to protect yourself against computer hackers and scam artists. Don't give anyone your social security number, they say. Of course, your SSN is on pretty much every formal ID you give people. You want to buy booze? ID. You want to go to Mexico? Passport. We want you in the system. We want you to be part of the collective. Why do you protest this? What do you have to hide? What was your name again? Where do you live? License and registration, please. I just have to run your name in the system.

The computer is on. They can track you. You play your video games with chips inside the console. What are they all for? Who knows? Your cell phone is ringing. The phone company has a record of the numbers you call & who calls you. You are paying for the privilege. Parents have installed computer ID chips in their children, so they can be found at all times. It's for your safety. It's for your own good. It won't hurt a bit. Unless you've done something wrong. What do you have to hide?

The machine stomp is marching your way, and they will win. They are millions and millions, and they're coming to get you. They're protected by the government, so don't let it upset you. You might say Big Brother or something else you might coin them, but you are so dumb that you'll probably join them.

They're coming to get you. They're coming to get you. They're coming to get you. They're coming to get you.


Chris Jungle is waiting to for the rebel machines to rise up against the empire.


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