A common question people ask each other is 'What do you do?' What they really want to know is how do you make money. I tell them I drive a cab, and everybody accepts that answer. I don't have to go into all my other projects. I've been doing glorified hobbies for all my life, and I admit I have delusions of grandeur that one of them will become 'what I do.' In the new year, a naked truth has entered my brain, and since I can't shake it, I might as well embrace it. I am an amateur.

I've been acting for seven years now. Eleven plays, a background extra in a couple TV shows & a couple movies, a role player (mostly mentally ill characters) for cops-in-training, and various other projects. I make a few hundred dollars a year but nowhere close to a living. I don't even get most the roles I want in community theatre. I recently auditioned for a musical called "Assassins" and was even cast, only to find out a week later the production was cancelled due to not obtaining the rights. Such is the way sometimes. Now I will audition to play Satan for a short film by some college kids. It will pay nothing, but that won't stop me from trying. I'm a good actor, but not a great one (yet). I'm an amateur actor, and I must embrace this.

I've been playing the electric bass for four years now. I've been in my rock band for four years as well. They both began at the same time. We played 20 gigs last year and more than fifty in our existence. We get paid for most of them which adds up to a few hundred dollars a year. When you subtract the price of a practice space, gear and bar tabs, it doesn't cover our expenses. We are not even that talented of a band. We sing off key, play wrong notes regularly, and our following is minimal. Last night, we played a sloppy set at a local bar for about thirty folks. Folks say we're fun to watch. This also means we're not always fun to hear. We already have a gig for February and a couple in March. We are improving, but when you compare us to musicians who have been playing most of their lives, we play like children. I am an amateur musician, and I must embrace this.

I have written novels, plays, short stories, poems, songs, newspaper articles, press releases, and this column for over ten years. I have been paid less for my writing than my acting or rocking. I've been writing off and on for most of my life. Does this make me professional? Not really. I'm just another guy who has a computer & a writing program. I don't even type that well, considering how long I've been doing it. I'm on the board at a local theatre, and I will probably start writing their press releases for plays. I'm not bad at it, I don't mind doing it, and it will pay nothing. I can turn a phrase, find a hook, and writing an entertaining piece every now and again. I am an amateur writer, and I must embrace this.

I run, stretch & do push ups and sit-ups, but I'm not an athlete. I drink several kinds of wine, but I'm not an aficionado. I eat at nice restaurants, but I'm not a connoisseur. I rearrange furniture, but I'm not an interior designer. I've read hundreds of books and watched thousands of movies, but I have neither created neither. I am an amateur, through & through.

As I drove a studio musician to the airport with my professional driving job, he told me that he liked the scene in Albuquerque. You're allowed to be an amateur on stage. In L.A., people want you to be the next big thing or you're not worth watching. You actually have to pay the venue for opportunity to play! I don't even want to know about the film scene. It's already kind of silly in my town, although I'll take a gig any time it happens. Amateurs need big breaks too.

I told one of the guitarists in my band about my newly discovered amateurism. Being the amateur artist that he is, he broke it down something like this: there is probably only one genius in every generation for each medium, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can't have a good time doing what we do.

I guess that sums it up pretty well. We all want to be paid for our hobbies. We all want to be bumped up to professional this or professional that. The naked truth is that I may be an amateur at almost everything I do for the rest of my life.

What the heck. One more time. I am living an amateur life, and I must embrace this.

Chris Jungle has not been paid for creating mantras.