Tonight, the Missouri Tigers are #1. Top of the heap. The best football team in the land. Until, y'know, they lose. Unless, of course, they don't.

That's the nice thing about sports. They're designed to create champions. There's always a winner, except in soccer. And even in soccer, the rules ensure a winner when necessary.

I like sports a lot. They're the ultimate reality show--with the best actors. The best sporting events create the sort of natural drama that scripts can't match. The best sports movie ever is probably Bull Durham, and it's about the sport of baseball generally and doesn't hinge on the drama of a particular game.

Still, people like to argue about the best movie, best book, best album, etc. Since I spent the vast majority of last week revving up for a certain football game, I have no idea what's going on in the real world. So I think I'll toss out a few #1s and see what sticks.

#1 movie
The American Film Institute regularly posts its list of Top 100 films (it also ranks quotes, songs, stars, etc.). The most recent list has that old warhorse, Citizen Kane at the top. Casablanca is second. I like both of these movies because they are kinetic, always in motion. Kane is long, but it feels like a breeze. And Casablanca just flies by. The pacing is just brilliant.

For ages, my favorite movie was Pump Up the Volume, a fine "take it to the man" teen flick starring Christian Slater and Samantha Mathis. Its soundtrack includes Leonard Cohen, the Descendents, the Beastie Boys, Soundgarden and more. Great movie, great songs. But I think I'm going to have to go with Bull Durham. I loved the movie before I literally moved into its neighborhood, but it resonates even more deeply as I get older. It's not only a great movie (in terms of script and acting, if not technically), but it's a wise one as well. And, you know, if I look closely enough I can see my old house.

#1 book
I'm talking strictly Amurrcun here, as I don't speak (or read) any other languages and am not fully up to speed with the latest Australian wunderkinds. The usual suspects are Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn or something in a Fitzgerald or Hemingway. All good stuff, though in truth I don't care much for Papa. But, of course, none of those are my choice.

I'm going with my old standby, the book that rocked my world when I was in high school and still reads like Barry Bonds snorting ether while coming down from 'roid rage: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It's a brilliant book (even if it was, in reality, the cobbling together of two Rolling Stone articles) that perfectly captures what it explicitly says it cannot: the failure of the American dream. From the bizarre spectre of observing a D.A. convention while stoned to the gills--and realizing you're the only sane person in the audience--to the mindbending personal freakouts that liberally pepper the "plot," there's enough action in the book to fill a series. In fact, there's more action in that book than the entire remainder of Hunter S. Thompson's career output. This book will explain to you why America has failed over and over. As for today's question: Why are we in Iraq? Fear and Loathing will tell you. Just make sure to prepare yourself chemically for the experience.

#1 album
Rolling Stone has been putting out these lists forever, and the Beatles always seem to top the list (at least three albums by the band have rotated through the top spot). I think the Beatles are great, but on a desert island I've got to make a different call.

No, I'll go for the immodestly titled #1 Record by Big Star. The title also serves as a pun (it was the band's first album). Alex Chilton, Chris Bell and Jody Stephens tear off great song after great song. Once the needle hits the groove (or the laser hits the metal) there's no stopping this baby. The producers of "That '70s Show" must have agreed, as they got Cheap Trick to re-record "In the Street" as the theme song for their TV show. In truth, I've got about a thousand favorite albums (no exaggeration), but I feel pretty good about this choice.

#1 beer
You knew this one was coming. And you know the answer. The first time is the sweetest, and I still swear by Bell's Amber Ale as my session beer of choice. If I had to choose a favorite "big" beer, I'd probably go with Weyerbacher's Insanity, which is merely its fine barleywine aged in oak casks. And at 10 percent alcohol by volume, drinking more than one (Insanity most commonly comes in 22 oz. bottles) is truly insane.

#1 food
Kra Paw Seafood at Sawasdee Thai Restaurant in Raleigh. This dish cost $7 when the place opened a few years back. Now it's $15 and still a bargain. Extra spicy, sweet and rich--and the shrimp aren't overcooked. I could eat this stuff exclusively for the rest of my life. As long as it comes with a Bell's, of course.

This week, my brain promises to occupy itself with the prospect of Missouri heading to the national title game if it can only get past Oklahoma on Saturday. So expect another moronic outing next Sunday.

Cheers!

Jon Worley likes watching sports. Especially when his teams are winning.