News item: 2 GOP lawmakers allege Democrats have ties to terrorism

A public service message from the Republican Party of Virginia

Good ladies and gentlemen of the Commonwealth:

We know that the horrors of 9/11 still wake you up at night. We know that you would do anything to defeat the terrorist hordes that threaten not only our lives but our way of life. We know that all of you wear flag pins on your lapels and support the president and our brave troops overseas. But some of you may be inadvertently aiding and abetting those very terrorists we all fear.

Did you know that a Saudi-run Muslim school teaches to more than one thousand students every morning--in our fair Commonwealth? That school might well be a breeding ground for a future fifth column attack, and we would never know. It's time we pushed our local authorizes to close all Muslim schools until they can be certified as free from terrorism influences.

And did you know that Muslims hold many positions within local governments in the Commonwealth? It wouldn't be hard for them to work together to push through subversive legislation that weakens America's resolve against terrorism.

All those Muslim business and professional organizations? This party is ashamed to report that it used to receive a large number of contributions from such groups. But those groups are now consorting with the enemy, and it is time that we had them shut down. Muslims who support Democrats cannot be trusted to defend our freedoms.

If there is a Muslim child who attends the same school as your child, you must get that child out of your school. If there is a Muslim in your company, you must make sure that they do not get their hands on any sort of secrets. If the patents for Wham-O's Slip 'n' Slide can be used to perfect waterboarding as a method of interrogation, if lipstick cases have been used in Iraq as IEDs, then truly there is no such thing as an innocuous confidence. We must cut Muslims off from all the secrets of American life.

If you are unfortunate enough to have Muslims living in your neighborhood or, worse, next door, then you must do your duty as an American and report every suspicious behavior to the local authorities. What you might think is merely a backyard barbecue could well be a bomb-making session. A rule of thumb: If they're not drinking beers, they're probably making bombs.

And even if you don't work with a Muslim or live near a Muslim or have any physical contact with Muslims, you are not safe. If you own any Cat Stevens or Richard Thompson albums, you might well be abetting terrorism. The Iranians put a price on Salman Rushdie's head, but if you read his books, you might well be putting yourself in danger of submitting to terrorist philosophy. Muslims are not to be trusted. And those Kiarostami movies? Just say no to Iranian cinema.

Finally, in a last attempt to keep America pure, we must not admire any Muslim celebrities in any context. Muslim women might be beautiful, but we must resist our urges. Any product of a Christian-Muslim union will still be Muslim, and so you will be perpetuating the Muslim race by copulating with the infidel.

It is time for Virginians to stand strong against the enemy that threatens the very lifeblood of the Commonwealth. The time has come for action. Islam must be erased, and the Republican Party of Virginia is ready to lead the way.

Vote Republican this November and save America.

paid for by the xenophobic assholes of the Republican Party of Virginia

Jon Worley isn't amused by hatred--but he'll happily make fun of it.