President Bush has never vetoed a bill while in office. I thought, for the longest time, this was because Congress and Bush are of the same party (and thus, have that weird mind link thing going where when one talks the others' lips move). But it seems there was something else going on. When Bush would sign a bill, he would also have a note written up saying he didn't have to follow the laws he was signing.

At least 750 bills signed into law in the last six years have these "signing amendments" attached to them. In other words, Bush is saying these things are laws he doesn't have to follow. His principle reason: the laws don't follow his interpretation of the Constitution. So, instead of vetoing them (and letting everyone know he wasn't for the laws-- which, by the way, includes the highly vaunted Patriot Act the Prez himself said needed to be renewed to protect us from all the bad people in the world), he exempted himself and his administration.

So I guess he's not one of the bad people in the world.

Which is cool. I'm not bad either. And I have differing interpretations of the Constitution than a lot of people. I don't think I can come up with 750 different ways I break the law, but I can make my own little list.

All of us should do this. Let's give us all a hundred different laws we don't want to follow. Because, y'know, we're not the President. We're not the decider, so we don't get to break the law as much.

I want to be the decider. It seems like a fun thing to do. So here's my decision on this:

1. I can do whatever I want at my house. I can smoke, drink, trip, yell, scream, play loud music, and not fix the fence in the backyard. Most importantly (or to expand this statement), I can ingest whatever I want on my property. Including so-called illegal drugs.

2. I can have an alcoholic drink or three outside of my house and drive home afterward.

3. I can lie to cops.

4. I can say or write whatever I want without fear of reprisal. Even if it seems like I might be threatening the so-called security of the country. Because, y'know, sticks and stones might break your bones, but words will never hurt you.

5. I can refuse to let cops search any part of my personal self or property.

6. I can get underage kids something to drink. I actually haven't bought for underage kids in a really long time, but I have in the past, and when I was underage, others bought for me. It's this whole reciprocal thing. You can't benefit from the patronage of older people and then not act in kind. That's hypocritical.

7. I can be generally mean to cops without fear of reprisal. Have I mentioned how much I hate living in this burgeoning police state of ours?

8. I can call the President a liar. And anyone else in the administration I want to. And congress. Everyone in power, they're all freaking liars. I lie every once in a while, but mostly just to cops. Because I really wasn't speeding, but my time machine has to reach 88 mph to kick in.

Okay, y'know what? I can't think of a hundred different ways to break the law. I certainly can't think of 750 ways to break the law. I am, basically, a law abiding citizen. Except for a few things I do routinely that, if the freaking cops wanted to be complete dicks, I could be arrested (or at least talked down to) for.

Which is why this whole "I'm above the law" thing the Prez has been doing for the last six years just baffles me. And the fact that no one is really doing anything about it, this also sickens me. Baffling and sickening, which, I think, leads to the occasional stomach ache. When people heard about the Prez breaking the law by spying on US citizens, the Congress said they'd change the law so it was legal. And, I'm sure, if this 750 reasons to break the law gets to be a bigger story, we'll hear more of the "change the law so the Prez is legal" defense.

With elections coming up. With a 33% approval rating for the Prez. With a never ending war against people we can't find or actually identify. With the bird flu coming to knock out half the country. With the Congress running around pontificating about how not to change anything. With deficits running quicker than diarrhea after a long night of drinking. With a huge chunk of the country living without health care. With gas getting to be more expensive than whiskey. With strange clicks on my phone.

With all these things, we still can't bring ourselves to secure our country against a flagrant law breaker.

Y'know, the one supposedly running the country.

Matt Worley would like all Americans to have their "laws I get to break" card by the end of the year. It's his campaign promise.