After several years of distinguished service in a highly respected service company, John Johnson was promoted to the newly created position of Decider. Any question of great importance would be brought before him, and he would decide what to do. He was not in charge of the company, but his decisions were final.

He could not throw out the board of directors or the CEO, but he could make decisions about anyone or anything below those positions. His promotion made huge waves. The leaders of the company hailed their decision to make decision making essential to the company's future.

A group of employees came into his office and asked for a decision on a delicate matter. They had been having problems with the cheap coffee maker in the kitchen. They wanted a newer, bigger coffee maker to keep up with demand for being highly caffeinated at work. The new coffee maker would cost the company more money (it would come with service, as well as regular shipments of coffee, creamers and other things that could be made with the spectacular new coffee maker). Since John Johnson's bonus was connected to the company's financial performance, John Johnson made a decision and made it quickly.

"I have made a decision!" John Johnson said proudly. "The company will no longer provide a coffee maker or coffee for employees, as all employees like different types of coffee. There is a coffee shop a block away, and all employees are free to take ten minutes to walk to the coffee shop and get their coffee everyday. It's better coffee and the company will save money by not having to keep up with all the different kinds of coffee demands from each individual employee."

Employees who did not drink coffee hailed the decision as ending the increased dependence of coffee drinkers on the company dollar. They also claimed this would end discrimination against non-coffee drinkers in the office.

Coffee drinkers were mixed on the issue. Some thought the coffee at the coffee shop was better, but most liked the earlier times when they did not have to pay for coffee themselves. Since the call for a decision was made by the coffee drinkers, some wondered if asking for a decision was what they really wanted after all.

A few months later, a young man asked Johnson for another decision. Some of the girls in the office were working at their desks with their shoes off. He wondered if a decision could be made about policy in regard to shoe wearing. If men couldn't take their shoes off, why did the women get to?

John Johnson, aware he had made a quick decision on the coffee maker (which had lead, so far as anyone could tell, to three employees leaving the company--one to work full time at the coffee shop), thought long and hard about the shoe problem. When he looked at the dress code for the company, there were many holes in regard to appropriate dress. After a month of deciding, John Johnson made another decision.

He announced sweeping changes in the dress code policy. In order to keep rules firm between the sexes, everyone had to wear pants, ties and dress shoes. No open-toed shoes were allowed. No skirts or dresses were allowed (as they afforded more problems for sexual harassment than John Johnson wanted to decide about) for the women. Everyone would have to dress in a business suit, preferably with a white shirt and definitely with a tie.

Quite a few more employees (all women) left within weeks of this latest decision.

For about three months afterward, no one came into John Johnson's office for a decision. There was a fear that if more decisions were made, things were just going to get worse. As work was slow for him, John Johnson decided he should explain his position to the company.

"I am the decider. It is my job to decide things. Feel free to come to me for decisions. How can a company run well if someone is not making decisions?"

Still, no one came to Johnson for decisions.

A month or so later, the CEO of the company came into Johnson's office.

"We have made a decision without you," the CEO said. "We no longer need a Decider for this company. You have one month to decide on a new job."

This was a hard decision for Johnson. He no longer had the confidence of deciding with his Decider title. What would he do if he couldn't decide? Who was he if he wasn't the Decider anymore? What, exactly, was life without decisions?

An existential crisis followed. At the end of the month, Johnson walked into the CEO's office and handed him his final decision.

"As Decider of this company, I have decided to expand my role of deciding to add contemplation. I will contemplate whether or not decisions should be made. When I was only the Decider, I felt decisions should be made any time I was asked to give one. This way I can contemplate whether or not decisions should be made at all."

The CEO read this and was silent for a while. He then smiled. "Not only will I make you a Contemplator, but I will give you a raise. This is more work, this contemplating about whether or not to decide. In effect you are doing two jobs."

When the employees of the company were told of this change, one man raised his hand. "Does this mean we get free coffee again?"

Matt Worley is decidedly amused about declarations of decisions.