What is it about the youth? Why do we care if they are left behind or not? Why does a congressman write saucy e-mails to them? Why does a gunman stroll up to schools and pick out their favorite girls? Why does another gunman go after Amish girls? What's so great about the youth?

Yes, they are fresh-faced & relatively innocent. Yes, they are the future adults of the world. Yes, they are even attractive and not as jaded with life as us crotchety old adults. But kids are stupid. They don't know how to express themselves well. They are ego-centric to the nines. And he said like...and I was all... and it was like, you know...and I just couldn't believe it. Oh yeah, that's a crowd we need to embrace & glorify.

Let's start The Mark Foley thing. That's one twisted Republican Representative from Florida. He says he's gay. Okay. He says he was molested as a child. Okay. Apparently, that means he has license to flirt and fondle and fist-fuck young boys. Cause you know, he's been there. It's bad enough that Congress has done nothing productive in the last two years (since the last election), but then you find out what they've actually been doing. Yeesh! We're not leaving the kids behind. We're screwing them up one sexual predator at a time.

Then, there's the gunmen. Did someone have some pent-up childhood frustration about not getting to date the head cheerleader? I have an idea: I'll get a gun, go to a school & get some head from a little blonde girl before I blow us both away in a beautiful expression of a sick fantasy fulfilled. I hear the Colorado gunman also raped and killed little Jon Benet, but I hear a lot of things.

And what's the deal about going after the Amish kids? What is it about an antiquated, peaceful & backwards people that cries out to someone "Hey, I should go in with a gun and molest their little girls and blow myself away in a beautiful expression of a sick fantasy fulfilled." I saw the movie Witness a long time ago, and I realized that the Amish were one group of people I should leave alone to build their barns.

I am currently acting in a play called "The Pillowman." I play Michal, the retarded brother of a horror writer. The writer is being interrogated by the police because someone is acting out his gruesome stories in which kids get murdered. It turns out that I am the one who killed the kids "because you told me to..." Michal was tortured by his parents as a child until his brother Katurian saved him and killed their parents. Violence is a vicious cycle, and the main question of the play is 'Is Writing Dangerous?' Last night, a lady told me I was creepy but did a really good job. I'd like to thank the Academy... We kill kids in our art. We kill kids in real life. Wow. Go figure.

And what of this molesting the youth? Funny story just happened to me this week. Not funny ha ha, but funny hmmmmmm. I've been dating this young woman for about five months now. I see her once a week, give or take. She said she was twenty which was really young for me, considering I'm thirty-two. No matter though. She had three things going for her: she was nice, she was cute, and she liked me. It was simple. Really simple. We would go out to eat, a movie every now & again, and a little affection. I picked up the tab & she picked up my spirits.

Then some things started clueing me in that she may not be twenty years old. She made some immature comments about something and balked when I half jokingly asked to see her license. I didn't say anything at the time, but the next time we spoke on the phone, I called her on her age. She now says she's eighteen, but we haven't gotten together yet since the discovery. You better believe I'm checking her I.D. Unlike some unstable Americans, pedophilia is not a turn on for me. Although I do many a childish act, I am very much an adult, and I want to be in compliance with the law. Mi Vida Loca continues...

So what is it with the youth? Is it that we long for those days of idiotic innocence? Do we have repressed instincts to go after the youth with sex and violence? The Ancient Greeks molested kids on a regular basis, and they were considered progressive and intellectual. Catholic priest seem to think its their god-given right to fondle the alter boys. This latest craze of adults going into schools with guns for a little fun adds a new twist to the tale, but I can't say I like it.

So what's the solution? What's the answer? Um, it's pretty simple actually. LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE. They will screw up their own lives, trust me. They don't need you adding fuel to their pubescent whirlwind. Once they're eighteen, they are fair game for predators and columnists alike. Why eighteen? Well, that means they're probably out of high school and ready to learn the ugly dirty lessons of life. I didn't make the rules, but The Dude abides.

There will always be Foleys and gunmen because humans (i.e. single lonely men) have some mental instability, but the more we can lead by example, the less things might occur. Make sense? Or is that too simple?

Chris Jungle will now card women before kissing them.