I'm a pothead. There's no getting around it. I've been smoking with some sort of regularity since I was nineteen years old (a mere 13 years ago). What started out as a bi-weekly late night activity gradually became more consistent to a peak of toking every day. These days, it is an ebb and flow. I usually make sure to have at least one smoke-free day a week, but rarely have I had a smoke-free week altogether. The amount & quality have varied from the skunkiest skag weed to some of the sweetest high grade buds. Sometimes it's just a puff or two & sometimes it's a few bong hits. Through the years, the quality has risen & the amount has lessoned, but the consistency has remained. I'm a pothead.

Life has the ability to throw you a few curves, especially when you've gotten nothing but fastballs and change-ups for a while. One of the perks of being a cab driver is that I am an independent contractor. I work the way I want & I live the way I want. No one asks how or why. Something happened earlier this year (what it was, I do not know), but the local cab company changed its policy. All cab drivers must take a drug test along with their initial & bi-annual physical. At the end of this week, I will have completed four years as an Albuquerque Yellow Cab Hack. A pretty impressive accomplishment for a guy who couldn't stay past two years at any other job, but it also meant I was due for my bi-annual physical & for the first time in ten years, A DRUG TEST.

For those of you that do not know, most drugs flush out of your system within three or four days. I took mushrooms four days before my last test, and I came out clean. Cocaine, meth, ecstasy, painkillers all leave your body quickly. Hence, the hard come down. The beauty (& curse) of marijuana is that it stays in your system a while. It's stored in your fat cells. The tar clings to whatever it can in your lungs. No hard come down. No brutal crashes. Nice & easy. There are many theories on how long you have to stay clean to get all the pot out of your system, but the industry standard is three weeks.

There you have it. Three weeks without weed. That was my challenge. I knew my physical was coming up fairly soon, so I began my attempt at the beginning of August. The academic books say that marijuana is psychologically addictive, but not physically addictive. This means it's a battle of your mind, not your body. This is true.

I stayed smoke-free for the first six days, but my mind kept questioning my new routine. There were all these situations when I would normally smoke, but I wasn't for some reason. Hey, you're watching a silly movie. Hey, you just finished acting or playing bass. Hey, you're listening to some good music. Hey, you're bored. WHY AREN'T YOU SMOKING?

By the seventh day, my weakness began. I hadn't gotten my physical notice, and it became clear that I probably wouldn't until September 1st. The moment you start questioning yourself or coming up with a rationale to take a drug, it doesn't take too many more moments to convince yourself to go back to your habit. For the next eight days, I took a puff or two on 6 of them. Not a lot, but it was cheating. It was weakness. It was an addiction. I'm a pothead.

It should be stated that I'm also a drunk. Not an alcoholic (because I've met those folks), but I drink as consistently as I smoke. I've been doing that habit with some consistency since I was 15 years old. The only difference is once I turned 21, it was LEGAL to drink as much as I could afford. During the experiment, I upped my consumption of alcohol from 2-4 drinks a day, to 4-7 drinks for the most part. It didn't fill the stoned void, but if you drink enough, you can't do anything else anyway. Alcohol was my filler for not smoking, but if you made me choose between marijuana & alcohol to give up, it would not be the plant. It would be the elixir.

I'll stay away from the ironies & hypocrisies of drug laws and legalities. Everyone can make their own choices in life, and in America, you can get whatever you want if you try hard enough. Blah, blah, blah, morality, blah, blah, blah, free will. Anyway, let's back to my experiment.

On Day 15, I began my abstinence in earnest again. If I was going to have three weeks clean, I needed to do better. And I did. I drank my nights away & smoked not a puff. A week went by. Smoking pot cuts down on your R.E.M. sleep, so you don't have as many dreams. Boy, did my dreams have a resurgence! I'll keep them to myself, but I'll tell you, the subconscious mind is a freaky-deaky place.

By the third week, I also noticed my breathing improving. My singing improved. My energy improved. My health improved. Okay, okay okay, health nuts, I admit it. Smoking is not the best thing for you. Of course, neither is drinking heavily, and I wasn't slowing down on that. Out of the frying pan, into the the fire with my habits.

I will take my physical & drug test tomorrow, and it will be Day 36 of the experiment & 22 Days in a row of no smoking (save a couple puffs with family on Day 18). I know I will pass. It only took 76 beers, 10 bottles of wine, & 32 hard liquor drinks to stay drug free. Ha ha ha. I technically had only three days that were completely drug free. That doesn't matter though. What matters is that I showed The Man I can play by his rules for a limited amount of time.

I'd like to think this experiment taught me to curb my smoking in a significant way, but who really knows what they will do until they do it (or stop doing it). I did learn a few lessons & I hope I change my habits for the better. But no matter what, for one more day I can say, "Look at Me, I'm Drug Free!"

Chris Jungle wrote this column with a hangover.