I fight authority, authority always wins.

Back in late February, I crawled into the cashier's area of The Yellow Cab Yard. It was 4:45 a.m., and I filled out the simple daily paperwork to get a cab for the day. The cashier said "I've got something for you, Jungle," and handed me a piece of paper. It had a picture of a lone cab on it, and a statement at the top stating NOTICE OF VIOLATION SCHOOL ZONE. I received a $100 ticket from the police without ever seeing them.

The police have started a program of taking pictures of cars in school zones from unmarked white vans and sending out tickets a couple weeks later. The piece of paper stated I was going 24 MPH in a 15 MPH zone. The picture showed a cab braking in a school zone, three lengths away from the nearest car, no children in sight, and no proof that the lights were even on. I was supposed to take their word for everything. Hello, Big Brother. I was wondering when you'd find me.

I had the choice of paying the $100 fine or contesting the fine. I chose to contest.

Fast forward to April 20. That's right, 4/20. Holiday for marijuana enthusiasts, Hitler's birthday, Day of Columbine, and date of my hearing. I had two day performances of a play that day, but I was done & at the hearing site by 3 p.m. I watched four other people defend themselves with mixed results.

The first was an middle aged woman with a lawyer, and the cops themselves dismissed the case. The second was a military man who got off because of differing stories. The third was a young couple who said they did nothing wrong, and they lost their case. The fourth was a man who could only speak Spanish, and his hearing was postponed. Then, it was my turn.

I was sworn in, and the Hearing Officer asked me if I had any questions for the police. I asked if they had their dates, time, and speed correct. They said yes. I asked why they didn't stop me at the time, and they said the program allowed them to not stop anyone at the time.

My defense was that I did not remember the date, time and incident they stated since no one stopped me, as I am a cab driver who drives 200 miles a day. The picture is the only evidence, and it shows a cab driving safely and braking in a school zone. By not stopping me, I am supposed to take the word of police whom I never met. The Hearing Officer asked me if I had a problem with the program, and I said yes. It impossible for me to remember specific times and places in the cab without some specific reference.

Much like Judge Wopner in the People's Court, the Hearing Officer went off the record while he made his decision. That's when I looked over at the two police officers. One of them was scratching an itch on his face. With his middle finger. That's right, he was flipping me off. Not for a quick second, but for a good thirty seconds. Sitting there, flipping me off.

I thought for a moment. Should I respond in kind? I can scratch my face with my middle finger as well. Am I the only one who sees this? Then, it dawned on me. This Hearing Officer was just a puppet. This wasn't a courthouse. He isn't a real judge. I'm just sitting in a room in a government building with two cops who are calling the shots. They just want to see who gets the ticket they send out. This flip off wasn't just for me, it was a cue for the Hearing Officer to Fuck This Cab Driver. Suddenly, I had a funny feeling I wasn't going to win this case.

Sure enough, the Hearing Officer went back on the record and said there was sufficient evidence to uphold the fine. Unlike the other cases, he did not elaborate. Instead, he said I could appeal the decision and directed me to the section that explains the procedure. So, I could go in front of a real judge if I wanted. He was just a puppet, and if a cop flips me off, I'm fucked for this round. The only solace is that he didn't charge me any court costs. I had to pay the same amount I would have if I didn't contest the ticket at all.

I thanked the Hearing Officer and tapped two fingers on the table toward the cops. They won. Without a lawyer, the cops will always win. They are calling the shots on common citizens like me. They will flip you off in broad daylight and forget about you in a heartbeat. They will let off old ladies and military men and punish younger folks with facial hair. They are not Officer Friendlies. They are assholes, and they will shit on you any time they feel like it.

So here is the Jungle Moral: Don't trust the cops. Don't expect them to help you in times of need. Don't assume they are on your side. Don't give them any money for their annual fundraisers. Don't feed The Police State. Fuck the Police. Fuck, fuck, fuck the Police. Yeah, fuck 'em.

I fought the law, and the law won.

Chris Jungle paid six dollars for the $100 cashiers check to pay the fine. Don't get me started about how banks fuck you.