Some unsolicited advice for my cousin who will be married on Saturday: Do it your way.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus and self-help books are flaming missiles straight from Hell. Which isn't to say they are completely devoid of use. As entertainment, they are almost unparalleled. But like a horoscope, beware the reader who buys into any overblown "life strategy."

And, for completely different reasons, friends aren't much help either. Those books are intended for a broad audience, so they're filled with scads of generalizations. Personal advice is even worse: This comes from people who are applying the lessons of their own lives and then attempting to graft them onto your own. Avoid at all costs. Friends can provide sympathy, empathy and even the occasional moments of catharsis. But useful advice? Follow any recommendations at your own risk.

I may sound bitter or somehow angry. But I'm not. After all, 12 years ago when my then-girlfriend spent a couple of carefree (ahem) weeks in eastern Europe, her two traveling companions spent most of their time trying to talk her into dumping me. Do I hold this against them? Nope. In fact, I saw them last weekend in Detroit, and we get along as famously as ever.

Here's the deal: You know yourself and your relationship better than anyone else. Don't worry about what other people think. Do what works for you. That gives you the best chance at success.

Of course, this advice comes with the caveat that I mentioned above--so don't listen to me, either. I don't know shit. I've been married for ten years, have two kids who are alternately precious or terrifying...and most days I'm lucky to remember the year, much less month or day of the week. I haven't kept track of actual dates for longer than I can remember (which would go back to sometime last week, I guess).

There will be all sorts of pressure from all sides. Some family members think it's cute to start harping about children. I stopped that nonsense immediately by unbuttoning my pants and remarking casually, "We can get started right here, if you like." There aren't many better deterrents to unsolicited advice than blistering embarrassment.

Then there's the sex advice. My wife just returned from a book club meeting that consisted of, among other things, a serious discussion of how to plan affairs for husbands who want sex too often. Okay, so this is the sort of thing women of a certain age (not yours) might contemplate, but nonetheless, even the most outlandish advice can sound surprisingly sane if ten other people murmur knowingly and nod in agreement.

Oh, and be prepared for the "I've been there" advice. Stuff like this column. Ignore it. We're all morons who would like to believe that we are wiser than the experiences of our pathetic little lives.

We aren't.

So enjoy the wedding, drink copiously at the reception and then live your life. Not your parents's. Or your relatives's. Or your friends's. Your life. The new one you're embarking upon come Saturday.

Oh, there is one cliche that is true: Things will never be the same. But, you know, find that to be true after every single day.

Jon Worley's meditations on marriage, Take Two Beers and Call Me in the Morning, will be published next month by Mit Hefe Publishing.