But that's not the point I'm trying to make. What I want to say is that we don't know what we don't know but we do know that we don't know which is a start. When we know what we don't know, we'll know what we don't know, but until then, we won't know what we don't know, and we'll just know what we know now, which is what we do know.

Everyone in this country is entitled to a fair trial. Unless we think you're a terrorist, then you can rot in a cell without charges until you die or we are able to make something up we can charge you with.

Potatoes are not really vegetables--they're bad vegetables. Bad, bad vegetables! We have had many problems with potatoes and, especially, the processed French fried kind. Sick people who are hooked up to a lot of machines and in comas are vegetables. But eating sick people for a diet is not right. You should probably stick with carrots and lettuce and the occasional beet.

My approval ratings have fallen in recent weeks. I think it's because I've been attending to some personal matters, which is important for people to know. Because, while I do have a job to do, I've got to make sure I'm right with myself. And then I can get right with the people. That and I'm really sorry about taking that machine gun to work. I should probably have said that first, but I wanted to underscore the personal aspect of it all. Otherwise people just talk about the machine gun, and we'll never get anywhere with talk like that.

Are those real? Is this thing on? Is anyone out there? Have you seen my glasses? When will supper be ready?

I think we should be offensive about being on the defensive. Proactive about our reactions. Which is why I'm recommending going to war with Australia. They may like us now, but I'm sure we'll piss them off eventually. We might as well get it over with. They have a lot of land, and I'm sure we can shoot movies cheaper there if we take the country over.

She bit my nipple off. There, I said it. I only have one functioning nipple left. The other one is fake. Only for show. So when I take my shirt off in front of people, they won't run screaming in horror.

To save on energy costs, we're going to convert regular, garden variety automobile grade gas into water. And then figure out a way to use the water as energy. I think this will become our new, minimally sustainable, energy solution. That and the Really Really Clean Coal technology I've been hearing so much about.

Did you know that most people in this country are more concerned with saving their own asses than the asses of their fellow Americans?

If you're looking for enlightenment, right now, I'm afraid I have failed you. I'm afraid I have not been able to more fully understand the small things of the world people trust me to explain. I have not gained any new knowledge this week. But I do continue to get paid. Which is nice.

Matt Worley is a little off this week.