It's a wonderful accomplishment.

The ability to completely obfuscate any kind of reality with hand gestures and basic algebra equations. To talk in circles and somehow insist you have something relevant to say.

When is a lie considered the truth? What is a liar? What is the truth? What is the answer?

X + X + 1 = X (with some variables in between which can't be included in the equation because it's not that simple--and it's that simple!). The answer is simple.

I was still smarting from being talked down to with simple math equations by our Prez in the State of the Union speech, when I heard Secretary of Defense Rummy explain his plan for Iraq.

Which wasn't really a plan as much as an unfinished conceptual painting being sold as a complete picture.

But it's not just that. It's not just the government. Maybe it's me, too.

Maybe we've all been fighting the fight for so long we don't even know what we're fighting for anymore. So the argument has nothing to do with the fight, but actually a fight about fighting. No one wants to set any rules, and everyone accuses everyone else of breaking them.

There were elections in Iraq. Unprecedented. Wonderful. Accomplishment. Democracy has come to the Middle East. They may not establish a democratic government. It might end up an Islamic Republic. It might end up like Iran. Women might not be able to vote again. They voted, though. And isn't that why we blew their country up?

I don't like your new car because I don't like new cars, and because you have a new car, I don't like you. Except you're really not that bad, it's just the car. If you were to wreck the car, it wouldn't be so new anymore. Why did you buy a new car if you don't know how to drive? I hate people who can't drive. I drive past them every day on the highway. I flip them the bird and scream and then speed past, leaving the "problem" for people behind me. I don't like them. I don't like you.

It's not really anything against fast food. I just don't think you should eat so many fries. And those burgers, they don't have much real meat in them. And the soft drink--it's liquid death people! Do you want to meet me at McDonald's for lunch? I don't have very much time, and I need some fuel for the rest of the day.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl because they can't lose. They're a complete team. They have no egos. They have no superstars. They are blue collar and care nothing for individual accomplishment if it doesn't mean winning the game. Which is why the Eagles will win. They can count on their Super Egos to push them forward even when bad things happen. They know they're great, and this will defeat any kind of communist "everyone for the team" thing the Patriots have going.

I know you want to make more money. We all want to make more money. The owners want to make more money. But if I give you more money, there will be less money for the owners. And if I give you more money, then you'll just want more. It will never be enough. And so you get nothing. Stop bitching about money. It only makes you look greedy. Think about the owners. They're used to living a certain lifestyle. If I give you extra money, they can't live like they're used to, and this will threaten the viability of the company. Don't be such a prick. Think about other people. Why are you always thinking about yourself?

I don't feel so old. I just turned 33, but most people, when they meet me, think I'm still in my 20s. I played a loud rock and roll gig on my birthday and afterwards, when people would ask what I wanted to drink, I'd say whiskey. I had a lot of whiskey. I was incredibly hung over the next day. I couldn't keep food down. And I haven't felt right since. I've been tired. Food has tasted wrong. I feel really old.

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Matt Worley is a boy in a man's suit. The suit fits pretty good. Everyone seems to believe it. Matt Worley is a man.