In the beginning, God created intelligent design, or so the story goes these days. While our current administration condemns those who want to rewrite history, we apparently rewrite how the world began on a regular basis. There was the fight in Bloody Kansas about the validity of evolution. Christians were fuming about evolution being taught to their young and impressionable offspring, and that their tender spines would break under the pressure of Darwin and the pagans.

There was a fight in passionate Pennsylvania where the Dover parents couldn't handle a one minute disclaimer of evolution's validity mandated by the school board. Fight, fight, fight, bitch, bitch, bitch, and in the end, the town kicked off the entire school board. That'll show those Christians to keep their God Talk in the charnel houses, I mean, churches. The Dover town would be damned, so sayeth The Robertson.

The debate is heating up. Sides are being drawn. The showdown is a-coming. The Jungle has been ruminating over this issue, and now, after meticulous research and soul searching, The Jungle has come to the conclusion: MOST KIDS DON'T LIKE BIOLOGY CLASS AND AREN'T LISTENING ANYWAY! There, I said it, now go forth and shut the hell up! You people think kids are actually retaining what they learn in middle school and high school? We have millions of high school "graduates" who can't remember much besides who they went out with during junior year. Most can't name the state capitols. Bunches of them don't know New Mexico is a state. No one seems to see the parallels between Nixon and George W. Do you think these idiots we spew out of the public school system of Kansas & Pennsylvania are going to be influenced by evolution or intelligent design? They are nothing but consumers & taxpayers.

Evolution claims the world started billions of years ago, but you can't prove it! God made the world in seven days, but you can't prove it! You can fight, fight, fight all you want, but a one day lecture on intelligent design or evolution isn't going to phase the stupid children one bit.

I took one biology class in high school & one Dinosaurs class in college. The Biology teacher basically steered around the subject all together as my home town still clung to the edge of the Bible Belt. I think the most he ever said was 'The world has been turning for a long long time.' Thanks, guy. Now, why do we have to slice up this frog? The Dinosaurs teacher was much more direct in his first lecture on the first day. 'Does anyone in here believe in creationism?' Creationism is what intelligent design was called way back in the Roaring 90s (see, you can rewrite history and change the names any time you want). A few folks raised their hands, and he said 'Okay, you're wrong, and that's the end of the discussion. If you want to drop the class, that's okay with me.' The rest of the semester was spent memorizing hundreds of dinosaurs and when they probably lived. Lots of conflicting theories go on about how the dinosaurs lived and died, but we don't have school boards up in arms about whether a big comet hit the Earth or that dinosaurs evolved into birds. If you think about it, that debate is on par with God vs. Evolution, but it doesn't create such controversy.

Why? Why is the controversy about this unanswerable question of how it all began? One word: CHRISTIANITY. Since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock and started Thanksgiving, Christians have been trying to make the world in their own image. Anything that doesn't coincide with their fanatical and contradictory rhetoric must be Attacked. We have a war in Iraq which our President said God told him to start. We have huge battles over aborting a child, homosexuality, and stem cell research. The most freaky don't even believe in modern medicine. Basically, this issue is between Christian-lovers & Christian-haters, as are most of the problems in America.

I think you will find that organized religion in general is at the root of most atrocities that man is capable of inflicting on itself and the earth it lives on. But hey, I digress. This is really about how the world began and what propaganda should we be allowed to tell the idiot children in boring biology class.

The answer is this: Evolution is a biological theory and should be explained in biology class. Intelligent design is a religious theory and should be taught in Religion or English class. I really have no problem with English students being forced to read the first few pages of the King James version of Genesis in the Bible. Metaphors galore to be discussed for an entire week.

What's that? The stupid kids don't like English class either? Damn, I guess it really doesn't matter what we teach them.

Chris Jungle believes the world began when he was born, and it will end when he dies.