The world has a new foe, but it's really quite an old one. The earth has been attacked. Hurricanes bash the coasts of America, mudslides swallow parts of Guatemala, tsunamis drown the Far East, and earthquakes flatten parts of Asia. We were given no warning. We didn't start this fight, but it's now time to get down to it. We know who's behind all of this. The time is nigh, and we must declare a War on God.

It is said that eighty to ninety percent of America is spiritual or religious, and pretty much everyone agree that God Almighty created the Earth. People quibble on whether it took seven days or up to seven billion years, but we all know who was behind these recent attacks. In the last year alone, God has created disaster after disaster against all of humanity. He makes Osama bin Laden look like an amateur with the World Trade Center tragedy. The War in Iraq is but a blip on the screen. We know the real enemy, and His name is God.

This war will not be won tomorrow, and to be honest, it will probably get much worse before it gets better. We must unite and kill our creator before He kills us. Much like The War on Terror and The War on Drugs, it will be difficult to quantify our success, and it will undoubtedly cost billions and billions for our economy, but this is God we're talking about. Trillions and quadrillions of dollars worldwide will have to be spent to take on The Supreme Being.

Stop your praying. God is not good. God is not great. To praise God is to cohort with a terrorist. He is reeking havoc all over the globe indiscriminately, and He must be stopped at all cost. He takes no prisoners. All will parish or be injured in his wake. He has threatened to kill us all for years according to his terrorist system who teach the Bible and The Book of Revelations. He wants us all dead.

String up the yellow ribbons, call up the reserves, punch up the Bat signal! Superman, if can hear me, we need you now! Christians, denounce your faith. Muslims, chuck the Koran. Buddhists, walk away from the river. God has come with his own agenda, and you are not part of it.

Don't count on Homeland Security to protect you. Their best laid plan is Everyone, Leave Town At The Same Time! I've seen school fire drills that had more planning for disasters than anything FEMA has ever fathomed. Don't count on our President to help you. He's been praising the works of The Killer God for years. He's sworn his allegiance to this Omnipotent Terrorist.

He's a crafty terrorist, this God. Sometimes, we see it coming in the form of hurricanes. Sometimes, there is no warning like an earthquake. Sometimes, his weapons are slow like drought, and sometimes unending like floods. He is not afraid to use chemical warfare in the form of disease. The latest intelligence reports say he's using birds to carry viruses to kill us. War, Famine, Pestilence, & Death are all high ranking officials in God's army, and they have been seen working their reprehensible acts all over the world lately.

I have heard people respond to the natural disasters by saying "It's God's will." You bet it's God's will, and you better stop defending Him! People claim that God will save them during the rapture, and leave the nonbelievers will be left to fend for themselves. That's exactly what He wants you to think. There were Jews who helped the Nazis for awhile, but in the end, they got wiped away as well.

So, let's unite Humanity! This is a call to people of every nation, creed and culture to come together to help fight a common and overpowering foe. These petty differences like Iraq, oil, nuclear proliferation, terrorism, drugs, crime, ignorance, and hate need to be put aside. We don't need to wave an American flag anymore. It's time to hoist up the globe and spin it round and round. We are of the Earth, and we'll be damned if some megalomaniac like God is going wipe us out without a fight.

So Bring It On, God Almighty, if that is your real name. We are humans, and you'll find that there's more to your tiny creations than your omnipotent brain ever foresaw.

Chris Jungle hangs out with a lesser god called Satire.